Bethany Theulen is a reader and program participant (both in Genius Bootcamp and Guided Mindset Mastery) who previously shared some raw but powerful thoughts including Riding her Storms with Intention, and her own struggle with Goals vs Marriage. So when I received another update from her that demonstrates the tender mercies that come day-to-day when we strive to think “lawfully“, I had to share. She writes:
I’m not sure if this whole response will end up being sent to you or just tucked away for myself, but I wanted to thank you for the timing of your last email. That day was incredibly hard for me, as you could probably feel. I was figuratively kicked down over and over and over that day by my husband. It was his autism, and I knew that, but it hurts the same.
In each quiet moment that day, the same answers about my marriage were reiterated, and I could feel an almost “test” of how was I going to respond. History has shown that when I allow the darkness to sink in, the negative thought processes begin, and then I suffer a prolonged emotional recovery.
By the end of the night, I was EXHAUSTED from exerting so much energy to remain positive in the face of tremendous adversity. I opened up my laptop to find your email, and there was a bit of a renewed sense of strength. In the midst of my storm this day, I had a clear and firm impression that the job I had interviewed for that week was going to be offered to me. This was before my required second interview, mind you. The next morning I had the second interview, and I called my husband’s mom and told her I know that this is the job, and it was going to be offered to me. I received the offer within less than an hour.
This was it! Right? I mean, it was just a few miles up the road from me. The insurance was the best that there is for mental health providers. All of that aside, it simply felt right.
I will spare you the details, but the job was a disaster.
It wasn’t my disaster, but it was a disaster that they thought I could fix. The owner said the #1 reason I was offered the job was my positivity. What he didn’t tell me was that I was being thrown into a situation that would challenge the most experienced Accountant to try and figure out, let alone a newly graduated one.
After 1 week, the decision was mutually decided on that I would not return. This left me worse off than I was prior to accepting the position, because now I would not be receiving any payroll at all. I don’t think I could list the emotions that ran through me. My emotions sent my husband into an autism meltdown that required police intervention. To say this past week was difficult would be a vast understatement.
How would I possibly get through the next week?
Monday – I realized that I had forgotten about my car payment due that day, and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about it. But do you know what happened? I have a small in-home Shih Tzu breeding program and got an unexpected text from a lady who decided to make another payment on her 2 puppies – one she isn’t required to pay until they go home in 6 more weeks.
Tuesday – I began to feel some anxiety about the $500 I had agreed to give my daughter for her 19th birthday to put towards the down payment on the car she had just purchased. I had promised it to her when I thought I had a good-paying job. Early that afternoon she sent a text that said “Mom! I just got an email from school that said I will be receiving a deposit in my account from COVID funds!” Guess how much. $500! Without missing a beat she said “Mom, isn’t it great that exactly what I needed showed up, even though you don’t have it now?” Truthfully, I struggled between gratitude and anger over that one. Ten years of NEVER being able to give anything of significance, and the one time I could, it was yanked from me. I think that ultimately gratitude won, but it was tough.
Wednesday – was pretty awful, and I half-heartedly said in my head “I choose to believe, I choose to believe” while scrolling Facebook. I truly did not think anything would be able to lift me, but an old youth leader of mine shared a quote, “Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God?” I briefly commented, “Thanks for the reminder.” She asked me to call her and we spent two hours on the phone. She later told me, “You know Bethany, the moment I saw your comment, I heard the voice of the Lord tell me to call you.” It was a very powerful moment to me, reminding me of my importance in my Savior’s eyes.
Thursday – I was still struggling, but a newly-made friend asked my younger girls and I over to their house to swim and visit. The chance to get out of my tiny house and for my 4-year old to meet a new friend was another personal miracle.
Friday – I realized that I did not have enough of a supplement I take for my mental health to get me through the weekend, and I had no idea how I would be able to order more. I really can’t be without it, but didn’t know what I would do. When I checked my bank account (I knew it would be less than $10 by then), there was just over $350 in the account. I had no idea where it had come from, but I found that the consulting firm where my internship was, had actually run payroll for 1/2 of that pay period, and I was able to place an order for what I needed.
I have so many thoughts, ideas, and areas where I could POTENTIALLY continue to create income and support us, but the fact remains that we need to find a place of our own to live ASAP. My sister who we’re staying with needs and wants her home back. Living here was never supposed to be permanent.
As I have tried to keep my head above water this week, I have in no way been oblivious to the daily reminders that my Father in Heaven is keenly aware of me and my needs…
Through my small breeding program, I have collected over $3,000 in deposits this week: something that I have never done in 14 years of breeding, even when I was a much larger-scale breeder. I can’t go through another round of litters, though, until we have our own place to live.
I am on the fence about your virtual Genius Bootcamp… both for financial reasons and because I’m not sure where I could go that would be quiet for that length of time. I really don’t have even a quiet corner where I live for the moment.
I plan on joining your Rare Faith Discussion Group on Facebook before I go to bed this evening. I 100% believe that somewhere in this mess is the answer I am seeking, and the solution to how to get out of it. I can feel that I am so close…
Bethany did take the leap of faith to join us for Genius Bootcamp, and messaged me again after:
I honestly can’t thank you enough for the work that you do. Ultimately, I hope to become a facilitator. [What I got out of] Genius Bootcamp … has been one of the biggest tender mercies I have experienced to date.
What I want to wrap up with the point that living by Rare Faith means applying the principles IN THE MESS. It doesn’t mean there is no mess, it means you lean on the promises and gradually, sometimes imperceptibly, rise above the mess, one day at a time.
If you’ve ever heard me say that “we tripled our income in three months,” just stop and consider the three month mess to which we had to apply the principles before our income tripled!
The mess is part of the formula. A mess is not evidence that you’re doing something wrong, it’s a GIFT because the Law of Polarity promises a hidden benefit equal and opposite to your adversity. In other words, the bigger the mess, the bigger the opportunity. So face it. Embrace it. And in time, you will rise above it by gleaning the benefit contained IN the mess.
In the meantime, God continues to hold us all in the moment.
Check it out – He’s even doing it right now.
You already have all you need for THIS MOMENT. Be grateful for that, and you’ll qualify for continued support so you can grow and become the person who can ultimately receive and appreciate the circumstances you truly long for.
_____________
For more on this topic, click here to read Hidden Treasures: Heaven’s Astonishing Help With Your Money Matters FREE.
Related: How and Why to Fear Not (Podcast)
Photo by Thom Holmes on Unsplash
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