Perfectionism and Combating Suicide

I’m pleased to present Carol Colvin as a new Mindset Mastery Honors Graduate! I hope you’ll read to the end – her experiences were truly remarkable, and though I typically try to truncate these announcements for brevity, I decided that I couldn’t leave any of these stories out…

You’ll see why in a moment.

Could She Make the Bonus?

Carol’s first goal in the program was to achieve a company bonus. Typically I discourage money goals for the “inconsequential” piece of the experiment, because often my students have too much of an attachment to money outcomes to complete the experiment as it is designed. But Carol found a way to not only let it qualify as “inconsequential,” but she even completed the experiment, AND achieved the bonus!

In her words:

My inconsequential goal was to have enough money in sales…in order to receive…my company bonus. Every month prior to my goal month, I had had to spend at least $200-$300, and sometimes as much as $500, to get this $1500.00 bonus, making my profit from the bonus a lot smaller.

In May, it appeared that I would need to spend over $600. Because I have the money to spend if necessary, and because the bonus would more than cover my outlay, I thought it would be a good “inconsequential” goal to manifest. As soon as I “felt the feelings” I would feel as if I already had all the money, I opened my heart and mind to receive inspiration as to what I could do to be in harmony with my goal.

I made a list of the possible ways the money might come to me, and I followed promptings to call certain people, offer certain things for sale in different places, etc. I also made a celebration playlist on my Amazon Prime account so I would have music to dance to at the end of the month, and I bought a celebratory pint of decadent ice cream.

Very soon, little things began to happen. A friend called to see if I had any inventory left from a business I stopped doing two years ago…. I had what she wanted and sold it for $20.00. Then, another friend contacted me to see if I could get her several doTERRA products to replace items that were stolen from her vehicle. These items belonged to someone else and she felt she should replace them. In came another $208.00. I helped four of my newly-enrolled team members place their first monthly orders. Their purchases reduced what I had to spend by $335.00. Sales of items in my doTERRA inventory led to even more money coming in. I also had team leaders (who get a $250 bonus that is tied to my $1500 bonus) offer to help by collecting outside orders and placing them on key accounts.

By the 31st, the last day I had to place orders,…I had at least $200.00 more than I asked for.

Two Miracles for the Price of One

Life is abundant, and when you move into the mindset that lets you participate in daily miracles, the effects can have a ripple effect on the lives of others. Carol explains:

As cool as this experience was for me, achieving my goal and seeing what I needed practically drawn to me by some sort of magnetic force, it was not my favorite part.

I feel like I got two miracles for the price of one because I shared what I was doing with my sister and helped her manifest something that was not inconsequential. She had scheduled a photographer to take family pictures this weekend of her five children and five grandchildren. All but one of her grown children live near her, but one lives in Montana. When she scheduled the photo shoot, that son was planning to have moved back to Oregon. He ended up deciding to stay in Montana. So my sister was trying to figure out, a week before the shoot, how to pay for a plane ticket to bring her son home.

She never has extra money. Her husband is very controlling over everything, but especially money. She is a very talented artist, but her artwork has so far not brought her any financial reward. The ticket was over $500.00.

I told her about my midterm assignment and what I was doing to manifest the money to get my bonus. I taught her how to picture what she wanted and feel the feelings as if she already had it. She has a LOT of faith, so she did everything I said (it helps that she is the younger sister and usually does what I tell her to do….).

A few days later she called and left me a voicemail—”Do you want to hear how I got the ticket?” I called her back. She and her husband (not the dad of her kids) were clearing everything out of a kiosk at a local crafter’s mall where she had been trying (mostly unsuccessful) to sell some of her artwork. Earlier that day she had been showing him some of her greeting card designs that she hopes will be picked up by Blue Mountain Cards for their next season. She had submitted a series of cards last year that had not been picked up, and she was obviously disappointed about that and really hoping the new cards would do better in test marketing.

After they got all the furniture and items from the craft mall put away, my sister’s husband, who has been making her pay for her own car insurance and health insurance, and who doesn’t let her buy the groceries because he’s worried she will spend too much getting the organic stuff, said he wanted to give her something. He said he felt bad that she was working so hard at her art and not making any money. He could see how talented she was and wanted to encourage her. He handed her a check for $1,000.00.

He said he felt like he was “supposed” to give her this money. She hadn’t told him about trying to figure out how to pay for her son’s plane ticket or about the manifesting experiment.

This was a bigger miracle than my monthly bonus! I feel like I got two miracles for the price of one because I helped my sister learn how to manifest things in her life. She told me later that she prayed to have loving feelings toward her husband no matter what his behavior was, and to be able to forgive and let go of the resentment she had been feeling. She was able to do that before she received her miracle.

Here at the end of phase one, Carol was clearly destined for success. I love how she used visualization and the law of perpetual transmutation to allow financial miracles to flow into her life. She shared:

I am so grateful to have learned the principles in this program and that I was able to share what I was learning with my sister. I have greater faith now to move toward asking for more consequential things, and my sister is bursting with joy she didn’t think she could feel.

But there was trouble lurking. As Carol prepared to move into Phase 2, a common enemy reared its ugly head:

Perfectionism

She describes her experience with this enemy here:

I thought I had to do everything perfectly.

I procrastinated finishing each module because I struggled with whether or not I had given thoughtful, deliberate, and focused effort – or mediocre effort. Usually I felt like it was somewhere in between, and I couldn’t move forward until I was SURE I had done everything as perfectly as I was able.

I finally went to therapy! I learned that I will never do anything perfectly and that it’s okay. So I finished!

The fact is, as noble as it pretends to be, perfectionism is based on fear rather than faith, on the competitive plane and not the creative plane, and it is not helpful. I’ve struggled with it myself. But in the same way a good grandparent delights in a child’s sweet effort to be like a grown-up, I believe our Father in Heaven looks at us with the same delight, even when we make mistakes in our efforts to grow. It’s the effort that matters.

So for those who get paralyzed in the lessons wanting to make sure they do everything perfectly, here’s my message to you:

  • Did you desire to do each task well?
  • Did you intend to do everything completely?
  • Did you get through the lesson and make an honest attempt?

Then there you go. You get ALL the points! Keep moving.

Could you have done that lesson’s task more perfectly? YES. Was that required? NO! If you do each task with a desire to do it well and completely, and that was your intent for each unit, and you pushed through to the end of it, give yourself some grace and stay in forward motion.

That’s the perfect way to proceed: with desire, intent, AND continued forward motion. Moving forward despite your analysis paralysis is HOW you demonstrate faith. Have faith that the sacrifice made by Jesus Christ for all of us was enough, in life, and even in these lessons. His love for you is like a blanket keeping you safe while you fumble around trying to figure things out. And you’ll find that how you go through this course is how you go through life. Use the course to practice faith in completing the lessons, and you’ll find your life will begin to move in a forward direction as well.

So for the record, you CAN complete a lesson imperfectly and still get all the points!

Anyway, I’m impressed Carol had the wisdom to get help with this obstacle so she could move on to do some amazing work in the course.

Combating Suicide

With the monthly bonus success under her belt, Carol went on to a much more ambitious goal in phase-two:

My long-term goal is to be part of a program in my church to support LGBTQ+ youth and their parents. I want to keep youth from taking their lives, help parents to love and accept their children and keep the family intact, and help families to hang onto their faith in God and in Jesus Christ.

My terror barrier was actually setting the goal and letting go of the how. I felt my influence was negligible since my local leaders were not supportive of my goals or my efforts to achieve them.

For 4 years I had tried in every way I possibly could to work through “proper channels” in the church to get a support group going, have a fireside, assist with a 5th Sunday lesson, train my local church councils, etc. I had received personal inspiration that I would be involved at some point in some official church program, and I was very impatient to get going. I hit every obstacle imaginable. I wanted to have the “stamp of approval” for my plans from my local leaders, and I wanted them to use me as a resource when other parents came to them in need of support after learning they had an LGBTQ+ child.

I couldn’t break through their fears or whatever was holding them back, and if I couldn’t do that, how were the people who needed help going to even know I was here—ready, willing, and able to help them, and how would they know they could trust me not to attempt to destroy their faith or loyalty to the church? From things I had said online and publicly at church, there were already a lot of people in my circle who thought I was an apostate—or at least very close to the line, and that I was too supportive of the LGBTQ community.

I offended some people and scared some people. So I set a goal to have 10 people come to ME to learn more about this issue.

Letting Go is not Giving Up

One of the hardest things for some Mindset Mastery students to figure out is what it their part, and what is God’s part in the goal achievement process. Carol faced this dilemma herself, and tested the principle as she was guided to do in her Mindset Mastery program.

She described her experience with letting go this way:

I feared that letting go would be giving up. I had to be okay with not succeeding, which is really hard for me. I gave up control of the outcome. I literally could do NOTHING but respond to inspiration about what to say and when to say it so that 10 people would take the risk and talk to me and ask for my help. I am not used to being out of control.

But I let go. I gave it all to God. I knew that if He wanted someone to hear what I had to share, He would bring them to me. It turned out that only a few people in my local area were part of the fulfillment of my goal. The rest of them, and many more than 10, were people I met while at a business event. Three were other moms of LGBTQ children who were so happy to find someone to talk to about it.

The others were people who had had very little experience with LGBTQ people and were curious about how I navigated my faith AND had two LGBTQ children. I know many hearts were opened and some were changed.

I got over my fear of letting God be in charge of how HIS goal—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of his children—is accomplished. I just want to participate!

The Ultimate Visualization

Carol found a way to move forward, even without the endorsements or support she originally thought would be necessary.

I prayed and thanked my Heavenly Father for sending me 10 people who were ready to learn how to love better. I pictured myself hugging all these people after our tear-filled conversations. I felt the joy of helping a mom or a dad or a teacher come to accept and love the LGBTQ+ people in their lives.

And it happened.

The very first day after setting the goal and praying that prayer, my friend, who had just been called to teach seminary, came up to me after church and asked if we could go to lunch so I could help her know how she could avoid hurting any of her students who might be LGBTQ+. That same day, my bishop, who had declined to let me come to ward council meetings to teach/train about being sensitive to ward members who might be LGBTQ+ and in the closet, said that he would like me to do that training just for the bishopric (3 people) so he could see how it went before he turned me loose on the whole council.

Then I went to Utah for a business event and felt prompted to share my passion as an LGBTQ+ ally and advocate with all 250 people who were there—on stage. Afterwards I was able to share what I had learned on my journey as the parent of two LGBTQ children with at least 20 people—and I got hugs from most of them!

Focus on the FEEL, not the THINGS

Carol did it.

And whenever we practice Rare Faith, we can be sure we are blessing people around us directly or indirectly. In this case, Carol blessed the lives of many people, very directly. And she really summed up the key to her success in these final words:

I think what I learned most was to focus on how achieving a goal makes me FEEL – and not to focus on acquiring the things that I think would make me feel that way. What helped me … the most was surrendering to God and to the way HE wanted the goal to be accomplished. I let go of having to do it my way….

I’m very glad I took this [Mindset Mastery] course and that I have learned to apply the laws and principles from the Jackrabbit Factor story to my own goals.

Again, congratulations, Carol! I look forward to hearing about your future successes, because now that you’ve experienced the formula and proved it to yourself again and again, I’m sure there are many more successes to come!

Carol is a Diamond leader at doTERRA Essential oils. Learn more at my.doterra.com/carolmcolvin.

____________________

What’s YOUR story going to be? I want to see YOU graduate, too!

In the Mindset Mastery program, students are instructed on the laws and principles that activate unseen help. That unseen help orchestrates resources, connections, and/or impressions that nudge the students toward all they need to realize their goal. In Phase one, they practice what they’ve learned on an inconsequential goal – something NOT connected to anything they’re intensely concerned about. This helps them experience success without undue stress, to build the mental muscle memory they need to apply what they learn, and to succeed with a goal of greater significance in phase-two.

Learn more about the Mindset Mastery program HERE.

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Leslie Householder

Leslie Householder is the award-winning, international best selling author of The Jackrabbit Factor, Portal to Genius, and Hidden Treasures: Heaven's Astonishing Help With Your Money Matters. Since 2002, she has helped people all over the world discover and apply the Rare Kind of Faith that causes things to happen for powerful life changes. Through story and shifts of perspective, Leslie aims to help her readers crush every challenge, achieve every goal, and vanquish every monster under their beds. Above all, Leslie is a dedicated wife and mother of seven children.
Leslie Householder
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