By Kathleen Taylor
You know how some dates just stick in your mind? How some experiences can’t be forgotten?
October 19, 2019 is one of those days for me.
Things had been pretty rocky between my husband and I for about a year. Before that there was a lot of apathy.
The night before we had a conversation that looked to me like we were pulling out of the ebb and flow of married life. I awoke on this day filled with hope that the clouds had parted and things were going to be better.
It was a Saturday morning during football season and the college pregame show was on. I asked my husband how he slept and we chatted about the games that would be played. I asked him if we could find a time, that day, to have a real heart to heart conversation and set some goals to move our relationship and family forward. He replied, “I’ve been thinking about that and I’m done. I don’t want to be married to you anymore. I won’t leave today but we need to get things in order for me to be able to leave.”
Ummmm…
I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me and I had landed flat on my back with the wind knocked out of my body. I didn’t handle any of that very well. I cried, and begged then I insisted that he tell the children right then. He did end up leaving that evening.
Hindsight is 20/20
Those first few days were very dark. I was hurt. The weeks that followed were filled with questions, suspicions and feelings of failure. I alternated between sobbing and whimpering that our 18 year marriage was ending.
As the New Year approached I had thoughts come to my mind that were words from a Mentor that I had. Leslie Householder says, “When I have a choice, I choose to believe.” I decided that I had a choice and I did believe.
I believed in God.
I believed in promises that had been made.
I believed that as bad as this felt, there was a seed of good in it that would be equal to or greater than where I now stood.
I believed that if I just aligned myself with the natural laws enough, my husband would come home.
I began studying the Laws again.
I was validated by the Law of Polarity that said, “every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.” The worse it seems, the better it is.
This brought great hope for me. I clung to that hope!
I then added the Law of Relativity to help me reframe my situation into something positive. I could see how this break was allowing both of us time to work through some past experiences. To clear our heads and start from a better position. To truly believe that this was for our good.
While holding those two I decided to be proactive in raising my vibration and visualizing the “end that I intend”. This would allow me to be in the best possible place when he returned home. I listened to many talks and podcasts, I read books, journaled, prayed, fasted, and sat in holy places. I studied grace/mercy, repentance/forgiveness and what God says marriage and family are. I visualized myself as the father in the Prodigal Son story. I was watching and waiting for him to come home and I was prepared to run out to meet him and kill the fatted calf.
Eighteen months later our divorce was finalized.
I didn’t give up hope. I continued to maintain the ground I felt I had gained and strived to do better each day. I had a renewed sense that this was for both of our good. Another eighteen months went by. It was harder to hold the vision. Little offenses piled up. I began to feel foolish for holding this space for so long with no sign that he would choose me.
Finally, I snapped.
I realized that it was over.
He wasn’t coming back.
I let him go.
It has been a year now and I am so thankful for this journey!
I see how I was led to true principles before I would need them so they were already in my head and easily brought to my memory.
I see how all of my effort HAS helped both of us to reach new heights.
We continue to be great friends and we co-parent better than we ever did before.
The laws helped me to focus and stay committed to my goal of improving myself and creating a happy family.
My story isn’t over yet.
The last four years have been tough.
Truly tough.
By law, my upswing is coming and it is magnificent.
Truly magnificent!
_____________
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