By Sandra Boyer
The Law of Polarity states that everything has an opposite and that a bad situation inherently is equally good. As you look for the good, more and more will be on its way to you.
I looked around and found myself officially separated and alone. Was this a bad situation?
According to my mother, YES! I wanted to avoid all the questions, lectures and unsolicited advice she would feel obligated to impart. (Trust me.) What was my solution? I simply didn’t tell her! She eventually found out much later somehow but not from me. She questioned my siblings about my state of affairs but never asked me directly. This suited me just fine. In fact, I wanted to avoid a repeat experience that I had with her many years earlier in my previous separation. Her involvement then actually made my experience harder.
According to my siblings-who knows how they viewed it? I didn’t ask. I only really confided in one who kept my confidences and was completely supportive.
According to my children-yes and no. They missed their father but I was very obligating in their associations with him. They had free reign in their contact and I drove them to his new apartment at their request. I also taught them that this didn’t have to be too traumatic or painful; only as we made it so.
According to my religious denomination and congregation, MOST DEFINITELY. Keeping the family unit together is paramount except in extreme situations.
According to my friends, yes and no. With many of my friends, their mindsets were that this was a terrible situation-simply awful. To their thinking, I was to be pitied and perhaps even to be made some sort of project that needed fixing up.
Other friends were completely wonderful, never poking or prodding, always sensitive and kind.
According to me, the answer at that point would have been a screaming “YES THIS IS BAD!!” I had been on this path once before and was pretty miserable. And here I was again. AGAIN! Years earlier I would have bet my first born on the assumption that I would always be married to this man.
I need to point out that these viewpoints, excepting my own, of course, are only my assumptions. For I did not consult nor care what their opinions were. I had enough on my plate without adding anything more.
This is not to portend in any fashion that I was stoic and needed no one. Quite the contrary. I was in a very trying and vulnerable time. I needed and wanted confidants and was careful in selecting those I could trust completely without reservation. I initially chose three.
These were people I knew who would listen to me when I needed, give advice only if asked and would keep my confidences completely.
Soon after the separation my viewpoint change 180 degrees and I saw it in a completely new and positive light. I began to relish my new independence. I missed companionship but was free of disagreements, hurtful exchanges and angst. I instead found great enrichment in old and new friendships and newfound opportunities.
What I found to be “good” in this “bad” situation:
- I found peace and calm at home.
- I found new opportunities only because he left.
- I found new business opportunities.
- I formed new friendships.
- I was introduced to The Jackrabbit Factor: Why You Can by Leslie Householder.
- I was given the time and space to develop new interests and skills.
- My interactions with my husband were now almost always positive in that we treated each other with respect and kindness.
- He gladly gave me help when asked-i.e. fixed plumbing problems, remained my “customer support” for my laptop, gave financial support.
- I would miss him. (Wow! Who knew?)
- I learned to appreciate him and felt genuine gratitude for all he was.
- I would sometimes visit him at his new place and felt welcomed.
- I could talk on the phone with my friends until all hours in the night.
- I became familiar with the seven Laws of Success, which revolutionized my life.
According to the Law of Polarity, as unhealthy as my relationship with my husband was, on the flip side, a wondrous healthy new relationship was to be had. I put my focus on that and visualized what it would be like. I left the visualized figure faceless, because not only didn’t I know who would step in to that role, it was was not the time for me to be looking.
Though it takes time to experience results we long for, the intentional, conscious visualization of a better outcome always marks the beginning of a happier new chapter.
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