#57: Disappointments, Marriage, and Miracles (part 2)

This is part TWO of two on the topic of disappointments, marriage, and miracles. Learn about what to do when your spouse is not on the same page with you about goals. Discover how rare faith principles can also be applied to concerns not related to money. If you have ever been hurt or disappointed and feel hesitant to dream again, listen to this episode.

Click here for Part 1

Originally recorded in Mendon, Utah on Oct 11, 2018

Resources mentioned:

TRANSCRIPT:

Announcer: Welcome to the Rare Faith Podcast where the solution to every problem is only an idea away and where the same activity with just a little more awareness always yields better results. Award-winning, best-selling author Leslie Householder brings some of her best information to this inspiring series of life-changing episodes that you won’t want to miss. Show notes for this episode can be found at ararekindoffaith.com.

Leslie: I am not fun when I’m pregnant. Knowing what I know now, I’m sure it was nutrition. Right? And some other things. But it’s like my husband got to the point where he could tell me when I was pregnant before I even wondered if I was pregnant because I am Jekyll and Hyde like that. Now we’ve invested in this year with Bob Procter and I am pregnant and I want nothing to do with the business. I am done with the business. “Honey why don’t you have a job?” Yeah. And he just quit his job. He had just quit his job to do this. And I’m like I’m trying to pull myself together for this, but I’m angry all the time, I am hurtful, I say things that are just awful, and he’s taking this abuse. He told me one time “I feel abused” and he was abused. But now I see why. If you’ve ever had a family member with clinical depression. I never went and got diagnosed because the one time I went to try to get help she ticked me off and I walked out of it.

[Laughter]

Leslie: So but I’m quite certain that that’s what it was. But if you’ve ever lived with someone or been that person, it doesn’t matter what’s going on, how good things are, they’re seeing nothing but awful. And the person can be an amazing, kind-hearted person and they can do no right. It’s a very very difficult place to be and things to experience. And so this year begins with Bob Proctor with me being in this place. I mean I’m mad at him for not- oh maybe that’s why that event was so bad. I came home and wanted to cry. I’ve never put that together. It’s very possible. So anyway, so how did we get to that? So the recession happened on the back end of this pregnancy and this year with Bob and just about lose everything. Had to sell our dream home, you know that one on the website? That’s the one we had to sell. But we needed to take some time. We needed to stop trying and just get our life in order. How can we downsize. He went and got a job, it was at a reduction in pay from what he had worked with before. He had just spent five years out of his industry, jumping back in at an entry-level position. And it’s called “Dancing in your tutu” for a while.

Rich Christensen wrote a book called “The Zig-Zag Principle” and I think it’s in there where they mentioned it too. But on your way to the goal, it’s a zig-zag and you just got to know what your guardrails are. It’s a great book, you should read it. So one of the things he talks about is, sometimes on your way to goal you have to do something you don’t want to do. You know to get you going. In the Jackrabbit Factor it’s called “Getting a paper bag with the sandwich in it even though it’s not the rabbit.” It’s something and you can be grateful for it. So he got this job that was less than what he was used to making and we reduce our expenses as much as we can and sold off the travel trailer. We sold off everything we could just to start over. In the middle of all this I had to go get welfare. And the reason is because through all this in our marriage we were having this role struggle. I never wanted to be the breadwinner. That wasn’t why I did what I did. The whole thing started by me wanting to be a stay-at-home mom and him wanting that for his family. That’s where it all started and now I’m carrying this load. Which he is working longer hours than me probably but the paycheck doesn’t have his name on it. Which is really hard on a marriage at least with where we are coming from.

We were very traditional about our role. We wanted to be very traditional with those. And so at the time I was struggling. You know a bill would come along and I would know that I can use the principles to go generate some income and pay it, but I was frankly tired and wanted him to do it. I wanted him to take over. I mean I’m homeschooling seven children and running this business and he was feeling really down because he didn’t have a paycheck with his name on it. But he is working his tail off and so it was just awful. And I told him “I want you to handle it. This next thing that comes along, I want you to handle it.” And he said “I want to, but let me! Stop jumping in!” And so I’m like “Alright if I’m serious, one of the moments where you realized the ladder you built is leaning on the wrong wall. This looks nothing like what we wanted it to look like.” And so the Zig-Zag principle, you know we hit this guardrail. This is a “No we’re not proceeding down this path anymore. We’re going to take another direction.” And so he’s like “Let me.” So the next thing comes along and by this time I was just too tired to try anyway. I’m like “Awesome.” Whatever the consequences are. I was a little bit afraid that if he were to take over and it didn’t work out, it would be more than I could handle to experience failure at his hand. I’m like, I don’t dare let him fail. But I was exhausted enough that it was time to let him figure it out.

So along comes this next big bill and he didn’t know what to do. He was like “I have no idea what to do.” So we went to our Bishop and asked for assistance. And inside I’m thinking “I could think of a hundred things we could do instead of this.” But I had to let him own it. That was our agreement to let him own it. And that means I’m going to the bishop’s storehouse and I’m like “Awesome.” There’s people there that probably know about my book. And so I’m standing outside, I’m like “Here we go. You know what? If I am too proud to walk in those doors and get some help in this crisis, I am worse off than I thought I was and I just got to do this. This is good for me.” Didn’t love it but I knew it was good for my soul. And so I went in there and there they are “Oh Leslie what are you doing?” They didn’t say that. They were like “Leslie!” I’m like “Hi! How are you doing?” Give them a big ole hug and I’m halfway praying that they think I’m Relief Society President coming to pick up something for someone else. I did that twice and I went home and I’m like “Honey I think you should take a turn.” He’s like “That’s the least I can do.” And so he went and he comes home he’s like “That was the last time!” It was so humiliating for him he’s like “That is the last time. We’re going to figure this out.” I’m like “Awesome.”

You know and I’m seeing this man come up and he didn’t solve everything right away. But I think it was about the time he decided it was okay to take an entry-level job because at least it’s something. All this is going on in the ten years. Remember I told you this restaurant thing? “Will we have it figured out in ten years?” Well we’re in the middle of these ten years. And we’re trying to figure it out. And so we’re putting things together. We ended up moving, like we moved to a smaller home that was nice enough that we hoped it wouldn’t be too depressing for kids. And then the next home I’m like “You know what, we’ve got to downsize as far as we thought we could be.” Right? We’re looking for something that we could afford easier. We ended up moving like three times, downsized too far, we’re like “This is insane, we can’t do this.” Trying to get our finances in order and everything. All the while I’m getting emails “This book has changed my life.” And I’m like “Awesome. Good job.” Because I knew the principles were true. We just had some room and we weren’t ready to put our necks out there again. We weren’t ready to do it again. We would try in little things but I’m like “I don’t dare set the goal for our income this year.” Like you can do that. What kind of incomes we want to make this year and you set the goal and do this and then you watch the opportunities start coming your way. We weren’t ready to do that.

And it’s not only that but we’re kind of moving back into at different paces. Some days I’m ready and he’s not ready, other days he’s ready I’m not ready, and that was, that was tough. But in the middle of all this I would get into these places where I would be so frustrated, ready to go, and him not being ready to go. That I had a lot of angry sobbing moments, praying “Why show me what’s possible if I can’t have it?” Part of the problem was that I would get a patient with my husband. If he was having lack of belief or if he was having fear, I would get mad at him for that. Because I knew what kind of effect it had on our results. And I would get tired of shouldering the load of the faith. And other times I’m sure he felt the same way. But I remember one time just being so upset that if I go make this happen, it’s like the more I tried to do what I knew we could do, the smaller it made him feel. Does that make sense? So here I am, wanting to operate on a principle that I know is true to help solve these problems, all the while every time I make an attempt it makes him feel smaller. And I’m like “Either I go after the vision or I preserve a marriage.” Dang it that is a sucky place to be. I don’t even use that word. I don’t. And not only that, but I felt a calling, an obligation to share it with other people. But as I do that, it makes him feel smaller and smaller and smaller. And he’s telling me that he feels abused and I’m like “What am I supposed to do with it? How am I supposed to live what I know is true and preserve this marriage that we intend to be forever?”

And I remember finally getting to a breaking point with it and decided “You know what? If I have to choose a vision or marriage, I choose marriage. If that means my business dies, if that means I stop teaching, if that means I live in a shack, if that means we have cars that don’t start, so be it. I choose my marriage. And the thought came to me “If we plan on being together forever, I know that eventually he’s going to figure this out too. It’s our path. It’s going to happen eventually. Even if it’s not, okay I believe in an afterlife where we keep growing. Even if he doesn’t heal from this until after we’re gone and it’s in the next life, so be it. What’s the hurry? Why do I need him to have it figured out today? We’re in this together forever.” And part of me was feeling rather noble, another part of me was really ticked off. “You’re making me choose between what I know is possible and groveling here with you?” I was mad. I was mad. But then on the other side of being mad, I had this feeling that would like “Wow. What it feels like to not have expectations on another person. To stop expecting him to change. You mean I get to just love him and it doesn’t matter where we live or what we’re doing? It doesn’t matter if I’m teaching these things or not, I just get to love him?”

And I felt this joy. This, you know I used to be all about and I still kind of am all about goal achievement. Because goal achievement is what helps me cope with depression. It was my it was my fix. If I could set a goal and achieve it, then it helped me feel happy for a moment before the depression took over again until I did it again. So that was my drug of choice was goal achievement. And when I let go of expectations on my husband and I found after anger, when I found joy in just not having to achieve anything, to have happiness, it was a different kind of joy. It was like a long-lasting kind of joy. It felt different than that hit of achieving a goal. And what’s interesting is I didn’t need him to change anymore. I just was able to accept him and love him just the way he was. And I’m telling ya, okay I know I’m not easy to live with. Just say that. I’m trying really hard to be more of what I should be. I get so excited about the principles that other things can fall out balance. And so that’s my caution to you. Let it be about rare faith, about your purpose, your mission, and keeping relationships above these things. But before you think “What’s happening with me”, once I let go of those expectations, my vibration was different. My energy changed. How I showed up in our conversations was different. I wasn’t always checking in “Well what are we going to do next?” or “Where are we at with this thing that we decided to do?” It wasn’t about that anymore. It was just like “Hey I want to see movies. Let’s watch a movie. Hey how was your day?” It was a lot more about the relationship.

And I didn’t need it to happen, I kind of hoped it wouldn’t happen, but he started changing. He started thinking about goals. He started dreaming about what he could achieve because he was finally in a position where he could do that in this space of not being expected to have it a certain way or certain level or anything like that. And what I realized a lot of his discouragement was, was with my expectations that things can always be better, faster, bigger, he had lost any hope that he could ever impress me. Which is important for men to be able to do or feel like they can do. Because if he were to come up with this great idea, I would immediately keep thinking about how it could be better. And so it was never good enough. And I didn’t realize what I was doing to him. But when I let go of all expectations, suddenly he was dreaming and growing and he took up cycling, a bunch of weight, and he started thriving like I hadn’t seen him since before our marriage. Which is kind of a hard thing for me to look at and realize what I had done all those years. But part of me was a little frustrated because like “Oh no. Now he’s gonna be achieving goals?” And I said I have to do something. You know “I’m gonna have to keep up with him.” I already gotten really comfortable with letting that go. So one thing he taught me about expectations, and I think this might be useful for you, he had learned in the corporate environment about expectations and how damaging they can be.

And I wish I could cite where he got this from. I’m sure you could google it and find a source. But he said there’s a few AC method where expectations should not be had unless that there’s first an understanding of what’s expected. Like there is an understanding. Like you think of a boss/employee relationship. If the boss has expectations of the employee it’s not going to go well if the employee didn’t understand what those expectations were. Right? So they need to understand what was expected. They need to agree to it and they need to commit to it. So that’s a conversation that my husband and I had about some of these issues. “Alright honey, let’s figure out who’s going to solve this next problem.” for example. And if he agrees, he’s going to be the one to solve the problem and commit to it. Then I can hold an expectation. But I was holding a lot of expectations on him that were unspoken, that were of my own invention, that he had never understood or agreed to, and so he was always wrong. I was always making him wrong for the way he was being, and they way he was thinking, or talking, or screaming, or whatever. Because he was not meeting my expectations which has never been communicated, never been agreed to, and never been committed to. Ooh it’s a very simple principle but it can help relationship tremendously. So he hears that, he had actually worked his way up in that job that he’d gotten back to. He worked his way up and had impressed the company enough that they sent us to Cayman Island, all expenses paid for a week, which was like our first real vacation that we just ever had like that. It was awesome. Things are turning around, things are looking good. After a little while, after a few years he comes home from work one day at 10 a.m. and I’m like “Honey, what are you doing here?”

And he said “This is really exciting.” And I said “What’s ‘this’?” and he said “They just let me go.” And he’s looking at me like there’s something awesome in this. There’s something really awesome in this. And I’m like “Okay. Alright.” We’d been through hard stuff and we understood the principles and we practiced them enough that we knew what to do. And so immediately we start dreaming about “What are we going to do? What can we create? Okay you know you’re free to work for business with me again. What can we do next? We’re going to create this and this and this.” And we’re getting excited. We’re getting excited. 30 minutes he gets the phone call. “Hey, wondered if you’d like to come down and interview. We’ve got a position over here for this other thing.” 30 minutes. He had applied there few weeks before but never heard back. ‘Cause he was kind of feeling things not going well at work and thought “I think I need to be looking.” And so he had applied at a place, never heard back, thought “Oh well, guess they’re not interested.” He gets let go, 30 minutes later they’re calling and saying “Yeah we’d like you to come interview. A position just opened up today.” And he goes in and interviews. Oh and by the way, while he’s waiting for the interview, he’s free to create. And so he gets on Facebook right away and in our neighborhood he’s like “Hey guys, just want to let you know I was just let go and I am committed to providing for my family. Here are the things that I can do. I’m handyman, I can do X Y Z and you can pay me whatever, whatever you want to pay. You can pay whatever. A little bit doesn’t matter. I’m here to serve you.” And so I’m seeing him approach this setback much differently than the first time. Now he can see what he can do. Whereas before he’s like. he was in so much fear, he has no idea, but now the ideas are just flying because he put himself very quickly into a vibration where those ideas are already in the room.

Well in the meantime, he starts getting requests for laying carpet or fixing this or doing that. So he’s out busy right away and he’s taking his son with him like an apprentice. He’s teaching him how to do stuff and he’s turning it into a really great positive experience. This job that he ended up getting, ended up being a raise. Oh by the way, because he was like oh he got severance. So he got severance, he got a raise, and he gets to work at home three days a week. An improvement upon a job that he just left. And I think it has everything to do with how he chose to respond to that setback which is something that we were so bad at those first seven years. We would see a setback and I’m calling the police, you know? So it was really cool to go through that experience and look at each other and say “You see how far we’ve come?” Knowing that these principles are dependable? They’re dependable. So we realize “Okay this 10-year span, the anniversary is next year in the summer. It’s when that restaurant thing happened. But after he got the job, we started into kind of a holding pattern. I mean it wasn’t all “Okay we got the job.” It still wasn’t really this dream that we’d envisioned entirely. We were still renting. He’s still got dreams to do his own thing and the job, you know means to an end. So it’s not everything that he wanted but it’s a step and it’s a good step. And we’re growing in confidence and we started daring to dream again a little bit. He had an opportunity to go to Germany on a cycling tour. And on the cycling tour it was a personal development cycling tour where their guide would take them 10 days where there packing all the stuff that they’re going to live on, and their shelter, and everything, and every time they stopped at camp they would have personal development training at night.

And so it was just a dream trip for him and he’d been wanting to go for about four years. First it was going to be like Australia and couldn’t pull the trigger on that. We didn’t feel like we could afford it yet. And then there was going to be New Zealand and he just didn’t feel like he could make that trip. And then there was Iceland and he didn’t feel like he could make that trip. But when it was Germany, and that’s his homeland, his heritage is from Germany and he’s done family history over there, he’s like “I have got to do Germany. I am NOT going to miss this one.” And there’s that decision, that quality decision. He let himself imagine it. He let himself feel it. He let himself start making steps to making it happen. And one of the things that he experienced there was really interesting. You know, we’ve been a little bit tentative about setting goals just because that was a hard recession and we don’t love that. No we didn’t love that. Learning those lessons. But while he’s out there, and it turned out that on this tour he was the only cyclist that signed up. And so he got his one-on-one with the guy which was awesome.

This guy is cool. If you’re a cyclist and you want this kind of thing, you’ll have to get with me and find out more about it. But his goal was he wanted to cycle every country of the world and get paid for it. He’s living it out. And so during this year that this happened, he left like in March and was gone through August and hits Czechoslovakia and Germany and Ireland and Trevan, my husband is going to share more of that story. There’s some miracles that happened on that trek. But while he’s out there, one of the experiences and you can Google this, it’s called “Why can’t we walk in a straight line?” And there’s been studies done that if you put that person in the field and you blindfold them and tell them to walk straight, they will do circles. And so he told my husband this and he’s like “So what I want you to do, see that building over there? That’s your target. I’m gonna blindfold you and I want you to walk to that building.” And so my husband is like “Well I’m going to be the first one that actually does this.” And most of the time, people are going to the right. And so he’s intentionally course-correcting to the left just to be sure, while he’s blindfold and is heading towards the building.

Anyway after a while, Layne, his guide says “Okay stop.” He stops and he says “Open your eyes.” Takes off the blindfold and he’s facing the building straight in front of him. He’s like “Awesome, I did it.” And then he looks around and he realizes that he had done a full circle. He was back to where he started from, within a few feet. And he says the lights went on and he realized that is how important it is to keep your vision in front of you. How important is, and what I mean by that is if you have a vision for your family like to look a certain way or you’re trying to get into a certain career or whatever, check in with it. When you feel fear or doubt, your response to fear or doubt is to stop and see it again. See it again, feel it again. Okay now you’re on the right path again. And it’s a subconscious thing. You will go in circles if you don’t check in on where you’re going and what you’re trying to accomplish. And if you don’t know what your goal should be, here’s one that works for everyone. Imagine yourself on the last day of your life for whatever reason, you know that this is your last day and you’re surrounded by loved ones perhaps, and you’re just preparing for that transition and you’re reflecting back on your life and you’re asking yourself what you accomplished and how you feel about it. And you just think “Well I did this and that and we built this and we that.” And let yourself imagine it as though it’s the life you lived. That will put you on the trajectory of your life’s purpose. And even if you don’t know what you want to say you did it or accomplished, you can’t answer “How do you want to feel?” “I want to feel accomplished, I want to feel fulfilled, I want to feel like I accomplished everything I was put here to do, I had all the relationships that I wanted to have, I made the difference I wanted to make.”

And it can be vague but let the feeling to be real. That makes sense? So in the book there is a moment where the couple that we’re following, and if you haven’t read the book, Jackrabbit Factor is about a couple who are at the end of their financial rope, and they’re stressed, and it’s basically me and Trevan. Except I think I am both characters and it’s just me split up. That’s why we did it through fiction. It just needed to be. But at the end of the Jackrabbit Factor, the lights go on and they get it and life’s going to be awesome for them. Alright? And so Portal to Genius needed to be written because, I’ll tell you what happens. First is this couple, we pick up with them again, but he gets a reduction in pay. So he, he’s coming away from this epiphany like “Oh my gosh we’re gonna change our life. Everything’s gonna be good.” And he goes to work and is just ready to knock it out of the park. And he gets a reduction in pay. And that’s a lot of times what it feels like when we set a goal. I intended for things to go better and they went worse instead? But what it means is that like my husband’s job loss, your life, there’s a Christian song that says “Your life is not falling apart, it’s falling into place.” And I love that idea. And it’s learning to look at when things are falling apart with gratitude like “I don’t know why this is good for me. I have no idea but thank you for this setback because contained within it is something awesome and I intend to realize it.” That puts you on a vibration that’s different than the one that says “Nothing ever goes well for me.” We’re constantly creating our experience with our choice of thoughts and words. Constantly. But in the sequel they also takes up a couple more characters. There’s one guy who needs to find a medical miracle for his son. I put that in there because I wanted it to not just be about money.

There’s another character in there that needs to find four point five million dollars by Wednesday. And so you get to see how each of these characters are applying these principles to accomplish whatever it is they need to do next. And so at one point the couple who have been putting their life together, using the principles, kind of zig-zagging their way. They are dreaming of having a home of their own and when it comes time for them to get the home, they’re amazed, they’re excited, they feel guided to do some things that they wouldn’t otherwise do except they’re feeling like “I think we need to be over here. I think we need to do this.” And they end up with a house that they buy, sight unseen. They were in the living room talking with the owner, making this arrangement to buy the house and they make the purchase and then they realize you know we never even took a tour of the home. We just knew that it was the right house. And so when it finally turned over to them, they’re exploring and they’re like “Oh my gosh it has this! Oh my gosh it has that! Oh my gosh it has that! We have this!” And it sounds really cheesy in a fiction ‘cause yeah I can write it however I want to. But remember where I was when I wrote it. We were coming through hardships and I’m just imagining with this couple, how does it work out for them? And so I’m creating it and then I’m not going to give you a spoiler of what she finds in the basement but make sure you read it. And it’s not creepy things like in “Arsenic and Old Lace”. So at the beginning of this year I was finally feeling ready to throw myself into the principles again. I was finally feeling healed enough and look that’s been seven, eight years. I took about six years off of my work to just recover and be with the family and figure out what do I know? What do I really know?

Because I thought I heard everything I don’t. And so I was feeling healed enough and decided “You know what? I’m gonna set a new goal for the business. I know what happens when I do that and I think I’m ready.” Because I also know that sometimes setbacks show up but I don’t like those. And sometimes they show up and then the thing I needed is on the other side of that. But I’m very conscious of how this works for everybody. I’m like “It’s time.” And so I set an intention for the year and we getting really excited about it, and was ready to talk my husband about it. And when I was ready to share it with him, his response was kind of deflating. Like he wasn’t ready enough. Like I said, we’re doing this all the time. And I don’t even remember it, I just remember the feeling was, he was feeling fear. He was feeling this and that whatever. And I was like “Oh I thought we were ready.” I remember driving and just being so upset again, kind of reliving those moments where “If I can’t have it why show me what’s possible?” And I’m mad again and something shifted a little bit. Instead of feeling like I needed to sacrifice all of that and just be married and focus on the relationship and give all that up, I felt like we’d come to a place where he was kind of doing his own goal-setting and achievement at his own pace, in his own way, doing the thing he wanted to do, he was in a better place. And I couldn’t let where he was at stop me from dreaming and choosing my goals. And so in the car that day I’m driving down and I’m mad and I just remember thinking “His demons are not my demons. I don’t have to be held back by his demons.” And by “demons” I just meant those doubts and fears that sometimes creep in, right? And so sometimes you have to give attention to the relationship. Other times you have to step forward anyway.

And if you’ve got in your mind, or at least have planted the intention for what you want your life to have looked like when all is said and done, I picture myself still with my husband at the end of my life. Therefore intuitively the first time around, unconsciously, subconsciously, however you might call it, intuitively I knew I needed to attend to the relationship. At this time, intuitively it was time to just do it anyway. You see how that’s why I can’t stand in front of anyone and say “When you’re in a situation like this you should do that. Don’t do what I did, don’t do what I’m doing, because that’s what I did.” You go get the vision, you spot your rabbit, and you will instinctively know which way to jump at the right time. Is there anybody here who has not read Jackrabbit Factor? Okay so the idea of the Jackrabbit Factor is if you were to see a dog chasing a rabbit that couldn’t see the rabbit, what would you think of the dog? You think he’s crazy ‘cause he’s jumping and darting but you can’t figure out it. You know he’s chasing the rabbit. What I realized we have been doing all those years that we were listening to some of our speakers and everything is they were giving us bullet points on “Say this to the prospect. Do this, do this, do this.” And we would say and do those things and it wouldn’t work for us. And it’s because we were seeing someone who had caught a rabbit and duplicating their steps.

They jumped left, they barked right, They da-da-da-da-da. “Okay we’ll jump left, we’ll bark right.” and think it would produce the rabbit. It doesn’t produce the rabbit. You have to spot the rabbit and then chase it. It’s following the dream. It’s not going through the motions thinking a dream will show up at the end of that. See the difference? Chasing the dream. So set the intention for my goals. It was actually that next summer which is this last summer when my husband went to Germany. Things are moving, we’re both kind of come into the healthier place with the whole thing and things start falling into place. So you start rocking and rolling, things start going good again, and it’s been a long haul from there to there. Those ten years. But what’s exciting to me is after setting the intention and getting on the same page a little more, we had a conversation. One of our goals as a couple was when he’s retired, we wanted to be able to go serve missions, go do service somewhere. And he had this thought. He’s like “Honey you know it’s highly possible that I get to retirement and we feel like we should keep doing what we’re already doing. It’s possible.” I said, “I’ve had the same thought.” I mean no telling. You know we want to do, we want to be doing whatever we feel like God’s wanting us to be doing. But I said, “You know, that is highly possible. And actually if we want to be serving missions why do we have to wait until you’re retired? Why don’t we just do better what we’re already doing? And this can be a mission for us in a sense helping people understand these principles?” And it’s like we felt something land. We felt this connection that we kind of been dancing around for years and finally got united in a way that we hadn’t been before. Same ideas, same time. Same. You know it’s been a long time coming.

But we felt like “Okay this is what we do. How’s that gonna look? What should we do?” And we started dreaming about how we were going to help people understand these principles, reach more people, make it easier to access and all these things and we get to work. We’re like “Awesome.” You know we already know we want a house, we already know these things, we’ve set those goals, but we’re going to focus on our mission. And it’s interesting because ten years prior I would struggle over being a mom and doing the business. Being a mom versus doing the business. Doing my work. And there were always this pull like “Oh I feel guilty if I’m working too much in the business because my kids need me.” And then I’m over here and I’m feeling guilty that I’m letting this not be attended to like I’m not responding where people are needing me. And so I heard Sharon Lechter who is “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” author actually. She and Robert Kiyosaki wrote it together. She said one time “This balancing thing is a myth. For us to have balance between work and family.” She said “You’re standing on two feet, work and family, and you’re perfectly balanced. Now try to go somewhere. Try to get anywhere.” And she said you “You just kind of swing back and forth and you get a rhythm. So you do this and then when you see this needs help, you come over here and you don’t let yourself feel guilty about that shifting.” And that kind of held me together and it got me through a lot of times. But what’s changed for me now this year is when we had this idea that this is like a mission for us now. And when I wake up and I am serving, sometimes I’m serving my children, sometimes I’m serving my subscribers or a reader or a client or someone. It’s all service. And these lights went on I’m like “It’s not, ‘is it work or is it family?’ ‘Is there balance, is there not balance?’”

And it kind of all came together. And I realized there is one master. One master. Service to whoever needs the service. So sometimes my kids need me and I let myself be a hundred percent with them. Trusting because of what we learned at the restaurant, that these other things can wait because I don’t have to do it all, all the time, all at the same time. I can serve where I’m needed and trust that there is unseen help handling the other things until I can get back to it. There is another something that you can imagine. Imagine help from the other side handling things that you can’t attend to. And how do you do that? You see it in your mind, this over here being handled and feeling grateful and then not fearing and not doubting. That’s another application of the rare faith principle. It’s not just about money and using it for things that you need as they come up. I’ll just share one. So about a week or two ago, Oh! I forgot to tell you! So we’ve got this mission mindset now which is awesome because it’s not, remember when it was all about having to pay the bills. He is taking this mission on by providing for the family with this great job and choosing to enjoy it because it helps with the bigger mission and it allows me to do what I’m doing without needing to pay a bill. That make sense? And that’s one reason why so much of our stuff is available for free. We have it in print and we have some things printed here and in physical form here because some people just don’t like download. Most people don’t like to bother with that. So we’re approaching it now with this mission mindset. And within just a couple weeks, we’ve kind of been watching the market for home and the thought we found one in January that it was perfect. I mean I had already scaled back my expectations on what I needed in a home.

It didn’t need to impress anyone. Not that it ever did, but I just had very short list of things that would be really awesome to have in a home where we could settle and be done and put to rest that question “Where are we going to be next year? Are we going to move again? Are we going to pay the higher rent or da-da-da-da-da?” you know “Where are we going to retire?” And all those questions which have been a distraction a lot of times from us accomplishing what we felt like we were put here to do. But over the summer I felt this urgency to phase fast. To take every last penny that I could extract out of our budget and just pack it away, pack it away, pack it away. And then we found a home in Queen Creek Arizona that it just felt right. There’s a beautiful neighborhood, it was simple, it was small, it had one living space, and you know half of our kids are gone and so we don’t need as much room as we used to. And I’m thinking “This is our retirement home, we can deal with one living space for the next eight years. It’s only time.” You know I’m already moving out in my head. “They’ll just deal with it.” And so many features just made my heart sing. I’m like “I’d be happy here. Let’s just be done and sell it.” And it was more than we wanted to pay but wasn’t any of them more than I wanted to pay at this point? Because we’ve seen what the market has done and it’s feeling inflated again I’m like “We’ll just wait for another crash.” But it felt right and so we were thinking “Alright let’s sleep on it, let’s pray about it over the weekend and see how we feel.” Monday morning I’m opening my email and this other house comes up on Zillow which is just a real estate site.

And it has popped up in at the exact same price to the penny as that other one which by the way which was farther out of town. But that’s we feel like we needed to do to be affordable. And this one was right across the street from my children’s school so like 15 minute closer. Right across the street. And three living spaces instead of one, and it’s beautiful. I just love how it looks, I’m super excited, I’m like “Honey look at this one!” He’s like “Interesting.” Got our attention. And we’re looking at all the features and like “That’s really interesting.” But it was under contract. We’re like “Okay.” And my husband is like “Well if it’s ours, it’ll fall out of contract.” I’m like “Okay.” And so the next day comes up on the market again. The next day. And we’re looking at the pictures and what’s funny is this is in a neighborhood where my kids, because it’s across the street from the school, they already have more friends in that neighborhood than where we were living at the time. And it said “Open house tonight.” You know like it’s back on the market and we’re going to put on an open house. It’s a for sale by owner which is why our agent didn’t know about it. For sale by owner. And we’re like “No, no you don’t need to do an open house tonight. We submit a full price offer.” Like this is our house, done. Sight unseen.

This sounding familiar? It’s mine. And they’re like “We’re going to still, you know we’ve got 24 hours we have to respond.” And so they went ahead with the open house. I have a feeling they probably didn’t have very many people at because it was a for sale by owner and they’d only given a few hours notice for an open house, right? And so did we go to the open house? Yeah I think we did. But we walked around a little bit and then they accepted our offer. And it was, I don’t have time to go through all the little details, but what I had felt absolutely compelled to save was almost exactly to the penny of what we needed to get into that place. And we didn’t know if we were going to be this year or the next three years. We were thinking “We’ll buy a house sometime in the next three years.” And here all this happened after we had finally gotten united and decided on our mission and imagined how that’s going to look living that out. So here’s your house, the house you need so that you can get busy with that. Which is awesome because moving into this house, it wasn’t about the house. We were already doing this other thing and the house is just putting that piece to rest so that we could focus on our mission. It’s been a great blessing. And we moved in, in August. Thank you very much.

[Applause]

Leslie: It was a long time renting and trying to recover and put everything back together. And moving in, in August, we had brought with us a cat. His name is Tom and he had moved with us the last three houses, right? and every time it’s a little bit nerve-racking to know whether- he’s an indoor/outdoor, whether we can let him go and know if he would find his way back. And so there’s always that little act of faith “Okay here you go.” Always wondering if it comes back. And every time he had come back and this time we kept him in the house for a week to make sure he was really familiar with us and in that location. Because for that first day he started and disappeared and was hiding because it was really scary. But we finally got the guts to let him out. And I let him out, I was sitting on the front porch waiting and seeing, he kind of disappeared into the darkness and, and then he didn’t come back. I’m like “Huh.” He’d been out all night before so I went to bed and hoped that he would be at the doorstep in the morning. Got up next morning, no sign. I’m like “Oh dear.” And that evening, no sign. And I put it out to the neighborhood, or I talked to some friends in the neighborhood, “Anybody seen my cat?” “Yeah he was on my wall this morning.” I’m like okay at least he’s not across the freeway. You know, like far away and he’s somewhere. So I went up and down the street calling for him. And he’s not like a dog. He doesn’t come when you’re calling him. So I went up and down the street calling him and didn’t find him, came back to the house and cried and cried, and a few minutes later my kids are like “Oh Tom’s back.” sSo he had heard me and followed me home.

He just did not let me know it. Alright, I’m like “Great.” And so the next month or six weeks he would in and out and we’re good. Well one night he comes back and he looks beat up. I don’t know what happened to him but his tail was matted, and it is sticky, and he was limping, and like “Poor cat, what have you been through?” You know, I couldn’t even imagine what would make his tail sticky and limping and we’re like “Oh! He’s getting older…” and I thought “Maybe it’s time to let him be an indoor cat.” And the family was like “We got to keep him in.” You know, he’s forgetful, we have to show him where his food is. And so one night I come downstairs and everybody else was in bed and I’m by the front door and he’s sitting by the front door just looking at the handle. Killing me. You know, I’m like “I know you love your outdoors so much and the family had already decided you to stay inside.” I’m like “So he wants it so bad.” And he wasn’t even meowing, he was sitting there expecting, and he’s just patient. And I’m like “Okay.” And I let him out and he didn’t come home and I’m like “No. The family doesn’t know I did this. I am going to be in so much trouble.” And so the next day, no sign of him. And I hoped, my son leaves for school before I’m up sometimes, and I thought “Well he left and he’s probably inside the house hiding somewhere.” And so I just kind of hoped that was what was going on.

Well finally that afternoon I hadn’t seen him and I’m worried. And asking the kids “Do you guys know where Tom is? Have you seen Tom?” and they’re like “No, why?” “Well…” So I tell them what happened. And so about 8:00 p.m. still no sign and I’m really feeling guilty and bad that I had done it. And I thought “Wait a minute, I know what to do.” So I went in my room and I laid there and I imagined him walking on the main floor, just walking. And I imagine myself saying “Oh there you are.” And he goes over to his food and starts chomping and I can hear him chomping his food. And I said a prayer in that place because that’s when I’m ready to pray. And I said a prayer “Heavenly Father, please send your angels to go find him and bring him home if it’s okay with you. If there isn’t a reason that this shouldn’t happen, you know whatever. If it’s okay with you, will you please send your angels to go find him and bring him home?” And I have this distinct thought that it might take them a while to find him. Like just because they’re on the other side doesn’t mean they’re all knowing. That sometimes their work takes time which brings me to the law of gestation. That sometimes are our dreams are seeds. It’s not just “Poof here’s Tom.” It’s “Alright guys, let’s go find him.” And they’re going out looking for him. I don’t know, this is what I imagined. And in the prayer, I’m seeing them looking for him, just kind of imagine what that might look like, and the smile on my face. I kind of have my little indicator that I know I was feeling it because the smile shows up without me meaning to put it there. “Oh that’s cool.” And, and then I close my prayer with “Thank you for bringing him home.” And then remember the next step is to just to believe and choose to believe and choose to kick out any worry or doubt. It’s a switch that you turn on and off in your head. And most the time we don’t realize that we have that switch, we just feel like a victim to our fear. We feel like a victim to our worry. But we can choose to believe. And sometimes if it’s like got ahold of ya and you can’t get rid of it, you can speak it out loud “I choose to believe.” And hearing yourself say that can sometimes interrupt it.

But then I know I just chose to believe that everything was going to be fine. Within 10 minutes I hear my kids “Tom’s back!” And I’m like “Thank you.” You know, it’s not just about money. It’s making sure that you are not the limiting factor in what God can do in your life. So you may set a goal that shouldn’t happen. You may set a goal that wouldn’t be good for you. You may set a goal that isn’t God’s plan for you. It’s okay to set the goal with that little thing in the back your mind that says “Or thy will be done.” You know. But just make sure that you’re the one holding the image so that if it is good and right and worthy and appropriate and necessary, that it can happen because you didn’t doubt. And then when it doesn’t happen, if it doesn’t happen, be grateful anyway. Because sometimes you find out like Stephanie did, put it on the other side of that test. This is deep stuff. I am glad that you came. I am glad for the opportunity to share because every time I teach it, I’m reminding myself. Go teach it to somebody. Experiment with it. Teach it somebody. Hear yourself say it. Hear yourself say “I choose to believe.” and just remember that it’s going to work whether you’re doing it for things you want, and for things you don’t want. To worry and fear is to have faith in a negative thing. And worrying and fearing is within your control. We don’t think it is sometimes. But if you remember when you feel it to circle back, look at the building again at the edge of the field, which means see it again, feel it again, choose to believe, keep calm and watch what happens.

So that’s it. I’m going to open it up to any questions you might have. I’m not going to promise to get really deep and technical here, that’s what a free download and everything is for. Because I just want you to come away from this feeling new belief, a new hope that it’s worth giving it a shot. Children are really good at this because they’re so good at believing. Now go watch all the Disney movies and look at all the truth that’s in them that we think is just a cute little fairytale everywhere. So are there any questions?

Audience member: Yes okay so is it necessary for both you and your spouse to be on the same vibration, same wavelength when you’re both doing two different things?

Leslie: Do you don’t have to be on the same page. If you can just kind of get to a place where you see it, you feel it, I believe that a positive impulse, a positive pulse has more power than a negative one. And so if you have a spouse or partner that is struggling, their struggle is only going to affect the outcomes if you think it will. And that’s a choice. I used to think “Oh now this can’t happen because my husband is depressed today.” And then I get upset and depressed about that. And I learned that no, it can still happen as long as I choose to believe. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing or thinking. I also found out that I can have a bad day. I can have a day of doubt. I can have a week of doubt. It doesn’t matter. I can have doubt, fear, and worry and everything, it’s what do I do after I’m done. Do I think “Oh man I just blew it.” Well yeah you just did, but not because of that week or day, but because of what you decided the meaning you attached to that. Because I’m moody sometimes. I just am. But when I have a bad day and I feel like “Well that kind of didn’t help add to this process.” I choose to think at the end of that “Well that was a dip. I choose to believe it’s still on its way. I’m really sorry for what I just did. I believe in grace and mercy in all this.” It’s like when you plant a seed or you’re watering a plant and you neglect it for a while, it’s not automatically dead. Right? So you don’t have to get so uptight and stressed over whether you’re doing it perfectly at all times. Just be human. There’s a Law of Rhythm. That’s another one in Hidden Treasures that account for those ups and downs. The tide goes out, the tide comes in again, and it’ll go out again and will come back in again. And we have a biorhythm go up and down. But what can stay consistent is a choice to believe. That can stay consistent. In other words, “Alright this is really a bad day. I am struggling, I think everything’s falling apart, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” Alright once I pull myself together I’m like “Woah.” I can look at that and say “That was kind of a mess. Good thing there’s mercy.”

I just want you to put this in the back of your head. If you want to spend three days digging into this stuff and experiment with the principles with a facilitator or with me, we have two events that are on the calendar. I’m doing a Science of Getting Rich Workshop this weekend in Arizon which is really short notice but there’s that. There’s also Genius Bootcamp. The Science of Getting Rich is the study of what your thoughts are doing to the elements. Really, pretty amazing. The Genius Bootcamp is working on your internal block and what go on inside of you. We’ve got a Genius Bootcamp in Malad. When are your two? You’ve got one coming up month this month.

Audience member: It’s sold out.

Leslie: It is sold out.

Audience member: You want to make more room?

Audience member: The next one is November 29th through December 1st. And it starts Wednesday [inaudible] I don’t know how many are going to be in the area. For a while, because we were asking for an outside.

Leslie: And by the way, I think she may even have a deal for anyone who signed up for that night. If the timing isn’t right or whatever, I am doing one in Arizona in November. Am I doing it in November? Is it November?

Audience member: 15th through the 17th.

Leslie: Yeah November 15th through the 17th. So that’s in Arizona. But otherwise, if you haven’t downloaded the books, go get those for free, go watch the video for free. If you want something to take home with you, we’ve got books and some of the CDs. The Portal to Genius CDs got all mashed up in my luggage on the trip and so those are normally $69 we’re going to just let them go for $40. Anybody who wants the CDs are fine, it’s just the cases are cracked. I can’t sell them on, on my regular website. So if you want to get Portal to Genius, especially because Portal to Genius contains both Jackrabbit Factor and Portal to Genius. If you get the audio set, it’s nine CDs and it contains both. Great for road trips, great for the family.

Audience member: Save those for me.

Leslie: So with that, thank you for being here tonight. I hope that something here has helped you get some hope or some ideas on what you can do going forward. I hope you would take advantage of what Stephanie is doing here locally. She’s awesome at what she does and she’s got so many great experiences and also has discovered how to use these principles with anxiety, right? So you’ll want to pick her brain about that when you go to her event. So that will wrap it up. Thanks for being here.

[Applause]

Announcer: This concludes today’s episode of The Rare Faith Podcast. You’ve been listening to Leslie Householder, author of the Jackrabbit Factor, Portal to Genius, and Hidden Treasures: Heaven’s Astonishing Help with your Money Matters. All three books can be downloaded free at ararekindoffaith.com. So tell your friends and join Leslie again next time as she goes even deeper into the principles that will help you change your life.

Leslie Householder
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