By Kathleen Taylor
“Ten years from now we’ll see the physical realization of many of the ideas we nourish today. What we see today is a sum total of the thoughts, feelings, and actions we’ve fostered in the past.” (Leslie Householder, Mindset Mastery Lesson 12)
What!?
I asked for this?
Divorced with 50/50 custody of my children?
Spending every other week, alone?
How is this the sum total of my thoughts, feelings and actions?
Ten years ago I had a four month old.
He was baby number six.
His five siblings were all spaced about two years apart.
He is, in fact, ten years and three days younger than his oldest sister.
Life back then was a lot for me.
I was definitely in the trenches of motherhood.
Every day was survival mode.
I had some postpartum depression.
Finances were low.
Marital intimacy was strained.
Life was overwhelming.
Everyone needed me.
Everyone wanted to touch me.
Everyone was in my space.
My sister once said that sometimes she speeds when she sees a police officer, hoping that she will get pulled over and taken to solitary confinement.
I felt that.
So, yes.
Ten years ago I did have thoughts of being alone.
Lots of thoughts that I charged with some pretty intense emotions.
As life is either growing or declining, coming into form or dissipating, I had put into motion the life I live now.
My subconscious received the message loud and clear.
She went straight to work bringing me some pretty impressive experiences.
Some of the experiences moved me into better harmony with my family.
Some of them took me away from my family.
Toss in a little bit of pride, loneliness, unforgiveness and infidelity and my marriage ended.
Our family was split down the center.
I was voted off the island.
There is a lot of soul searching that happens in moments like that.
I could so clearly see what I had been blind to for 20 years.
I had done so many things wrong.
My story isn’t over.
Yes, I am alone right now.
But, I have filled the last two years with even more emotionally charged thoughts.
I FEEL the loving relationship that I am in.
I SEE how we hold hands and support one another.
I HEAR the laughter and kind words.
I TASTE the sweetness of life.
I SMELL the family dinners that we enjoy.
I am truly enjoying watching as the resources, people and experiences are all lining up for my benefit.
No fear.
No doubt.
Just Rare Faith!
and the Law of Perpetual Transmutation bringing life into form.
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