Third Option

Before I get into my message today, this must be said first:

If you are in an abusive relationship, get safe immediately. Get your children safe. Pray for your spouse from afar. You can still hold the image of a happy marriage and apply whatever you may find useful in the article below, but get away NOW, get HELP and let God do with your spouse what he will.

Now on to my message:

For nearly twenty years, it has been my passion to simplify and show people the true power of effective goal achievement. And like I said in my earlier post What You can Learn From a Locksmith, there are a finite number of “tumblers” that need to fall into place before a person “gets it”. Each book you read, each mentor you learn with, each challenge you conquer brings you one dial closer to having your lock spring open.

So, challenges are part of the process.

And there is one challenge that seems to be universal, specifically for those who travel the “goal achiever’s” path with a spouse.

At first, I thought I was the only person to struggle with this particular challenge, which I will explain in a minute. But now I’ve seen it so many times that I’ve come to the conclusion that it is just one of those “life packages” that gets delivered when a person decides to strive for the next level of understanding or achievement.

You set a certain kind of goal, and here comes the package.

Related: How to Know if You’ll Reach the Goal

I’m not going to define which kinds of goals trigger the delivery of this package, because I don’t have that figured out. I have my suspicions, but I don’t have enough data to say either way, because most of the time I only hear about the person’s struggle. I’m not always privy to the goal that triggered it.

All I know is, that in my case, it showed up after:

  • I had a belief and understanding of Rare Faith
  • I had had some success with it
  • I felt a calling from God related to it
  • I was ready to use the principles again to make a change
  • My spouse wasn’t ready to make said changes

I’ve seen this so often with so many people, the outcomes have also become predictable:

The person hits a point where they feel forced to choose between their relationship, and a God-given calling to pursue a certain goal or carry out a “life’s purpose.” For whatever reason, it feels like these two directives cannot be followed at the same time:

  1. Stay married: “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder,” (Mark 10:9) or
  2. Bear good fruit: “[G]o and bring forth fruit… that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you,” (John 15:16).

These situations typically play out in one of two different ways:

  1. Leave spouse. The person gets so frustrated with the lack of progress that “living the principles” becomes more important than preserving the relationship, and they eventually leave their spouse. Don’t be shocked. It’s more common than you may think, and socially acceptable. Divorce is at the other end of the stick they pick up when personal progress becomes more important than a marriage covenant. Personal progress feels good! A stalled marriage feels horrible! They know God wants them to grow, so if they can’t grow with their spouse, they believe the marriage needs to end. It’s not a quick process. It typically takes a number of years before the fractured relationship becomes permanently broken. Of course, there are usually a number of other factors that play into the disintegration of a relationship, but a large part of it can be pointed back to the person feeling “unequally yoked” with a partner who doesn’t want to move forward at the same pace, or at all. Or…
  2. Give up on dreams. The person gets so frustrated with their spouse that they eventually give up on their dreams to keep the covenant. They accept the fact that the growth and progress they desire cannot be theirs, and they come to terms with it, but secretly resent their spouse for not being willing to run with them toward a better life. This is probably more common, but in its own way, equally devastating.

So, the package shows up. Maybe it’s showed up for you. Is there a better way than the choices described above?

Is there an option #3?

What else can you do?

I hate that this is a thing. I haven’t wanted to write about it, because I wanted to pretend that gaining an understanding of the principles isn’t at the root of some broken families. Granted, some people have have already decided to divorce before finding this work, and then are grateful to discover it because it helps them get out and even thrive, which may have previously seemed impossible. If a marriage really does need to end, then I’m grateful it helps, I guess. But I never set out to help marriages end. How can the principles I teach lead to such a thing? I don’t want to play any part in creating the collateral damage that can come with divorce.

So when I had yet another conversation with a woman who was at a beginning stage of this dilemma, and she said, “I thought I was the only one to struggle with this,” I knew I had to shine a light on it.

I may not save any marriages, but if I can help people become conscious to a third option, then maybe at least one person can make their decision more fully informed.

Since the package has been showing up to so many people so predictably, and since the outcomes are predictable too (depending on how the person responds to them), I’m convinced the adversary is just following some kind of a playbook for destroying families. But if we’re conscious of his strategies and deceptions, then we can make our decisions more soberly. Marriages may still need to end, but if they must, let the parties involved at least make their decision from a place of total truth with the lies fully exposed. It’s my hope that I can help someone catch the deception before it’s too late to pick up the other stick instead that lets them keep their family in tact AND still enjoy the progress they crave.

It’s not the easy way.

It might not even yield happy results in the short term. But a third option does exist.

I’ve heard people talk about how grateful they were they found the courage to get out of their dysfunctional marriage, and how happy they are having found someone else more equally yoked. They have no regrets because it turned out well, and the children seem to be fine.

But some people choose to terminate their marriage and never find someone else to marry. That may not matter though, because most people leave their marriage because—no matter how it’s going to turn out, and whether or not they ever find someone else—anything different will be better than what they’re leaving.

So the message that follows is not for people who have already decided to divorce.

I acknowledge these decisions run deep and are never taken lightly. Nobody knows the kind of suffering you feel, or the way you feel it. I do not intend to minimize anyone’s pain, or judge anyone’s decision. What I want to share next is for the person who desperately wants his/her marriage to work, and who also wants to feel the soul expansion and joy that comes from personal growth, and fulfilling a mission.

There IS a third option. It takes humility, patience, long-suffering, sacrifice, belief—and perhaps the biggest dose of rare faith you’ve ever had to muster.

Remember, according to Boyd K. Packer, this is the kind of faith that moves people, and sometimes moves things.

Note: I proceed on the premise that my readers have already obtained a hope in Christ. That I’m speaking to the person who already believes that salvation or exaltation is more important than worldly success. That the Rare Faith principles are revealed to us so we can use them to further the Kingdom of God, and to bring joy and relief to our families and to others around the world.

“And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted,” (Jacob 2:19)

After ye have obtained a hope in Christ, then have some hope that he has the power to lift your marriage. He has the power to heal the emotional and physical wounds that are at the root of your marital conflict. Hurt people hurt people, and a lot of times, a person comes into the marriage already hurt. So you must also hope that Jesus Christ also has the power to heal your spouse of the baggage he is carrying that causes him to behave the way that he does. (Or she. I’m going to stick with one pronoun for consistency but these ideas are applicable for either gender.)

As long as you are using the rare faith principles to create, I invite you to create a vision of your marriage being happy, fulfilled, and victorious. We’re so quick to create visions of the lifestyle we want, but we hesitate to create visions for our marriage relationship. We hesitate to create visions involving other people at all because of that agency thing, and rightly so. But there is a way to see the end that you intend without infringing on another person’s agency, even in relationship matters.

Here’s the secret:

You create a vision for your happiness together, but remain detached from the timing of its realization.

Work on becoming the best version of yourself while you hold a space for your spouse to become the best version of himself.  And then let go of how quickly it needs to happen. Plan on unseen help doing most of the work on your spouse, as you wait patiently on the Lord. As my friend Cari has to remind me sometimes when I want to tell someone how they should change, she’ll say:

“You don’t have to be the Holy Spirit today.”

At the same time, continue to create a vision for the other changes you want to see in your self and your life. The improved environment. The increased ability to give and serve. The more peaceful relationships with your children. Better health. Increased wealth.

Set the vision for your marriage unity and fulfillment first, and then leave that piece to God while you focus on the other areas of your life for which you have more direct control. You can build that business, you can redesign that room, you can plan that vacation, you can create that family joy. If there’s something you’re building a dream for, which requires your spouse to feel a certain way or do a certain thing, stay focused only on seeing the end result and let God figure out how to orchestrate it. He can soften hearts if that’s what is required. He can deliver alternate resources if that’s a more efficient solution in his economy. He can lead your spouse to new friendships or mentors who will make an impact that you were never able to make. You must let go of your attachment to any particular player doing any particular thing. Remain focused on the end result only, and then do the things you are inspired to do to make progress in that direction.

Related: By small and simple means

We are eternal beings, and this life is just a small blip on our journey. If you cannot see yourself being happy with your spouse now, and if you cannot see yourself being happy with him at the end of your mortal days as old people watching the sunset from the porch, can you see yourself getting to the other side, meeting your Maker, with a completely healed and whole companion by your side, looking back on your life’s journey together and feeling amazed and grateful that you endured through the trials as one? Can you see the victory reunion of that day, with your spouse falling to his knees in gratitude and amazement that you stuck with him when things were hard? That your vision helped him heal from life’s wounds? That your unconditional love taught him what unconditional love looks like? When he was at his worst? Can you imagine the Lord expressing his gratitude to you for suffering long, and being kind, doing what he would have done if he were there, instead of you?

It’s a lot to ask or expect any of us to be like Jesus. To forgive the adulterer. To love the betrayer. To wash the feet of the sinner. To weep with those that weep and mourn with those that mourn. To turn the other cheek. To pray for those who persecute. To serve those who spit on you. I’ll bet nobody in your circle has invited you to stay in a bad marriage, because to do so would require that you be like Jesus, and sometimes that feels beyond impossible. But he set the example. And yes, it’s a sufferer’s path. Society protects us from shame if we choose not to endure the living hell that it could be.

But nobody really talks about the growth, achievement, joy, and victory that might be realized if we live as Jesus lived.

History, however, has provided us with a few examples of people who transcended their circumstances despite their suffering. And like Jesus, their names also went down in history for it.

  • Victor Frankl described his life in Nazi death camps and shared the transcending lessons he learned. He lived through Auschwitz, while his parents, brother, and pregnant wife perished. He said we may not avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose…. By 1997, his book Man’s Search for Meaning had sold more than 10 million copies in twenty-four languages. In 1991 it was listed among the ten most influential books in America. What story could you tell, who might you inspire, what families might be saved for generations to come if you discover how to transcend your present suffering, and write about it? You can ask for help with that. You can seek for that. Seek for ways and reasons to leave and that’s what you’ll find. Seek for ways to succeed in spite of what is, and that’s what you’ll find. Just be conscious about these options.
  • Ammon’s people – (circa 90 BC) After his people became Christians and were forgiven for their sins, they made a covenant, “that they never would use weapons again for the shedding of man’s blood… vouching and covenanting with God, that rather than [break their covenant]… they would give up their own lives… (Alma 24:18)  But when their enemies came against them in war and killed over a thousand of them without resistance, and they realized they “would lie down and perish, and [praise] God even in the very act of perishing under the sword, …[the enemies] were stung for the murders which they had committed” and repenting, joined them in the same covenant. In fact, “the people of God were joined that day by more than the number who had been slain;” (Alma 24:21-27, Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ). Do you view your covenants with the same dedication and fidelity? What miracles might God perform in the lives of others who see you keep your covenant? Would you rather die than break yours? If not, then at least make that choice consciously, fully understanding your options.

Niether Frankl nor Ammon’s people had only two options. They each found a third: the sufferer’s path. But I need to clarify something:

Option 3 does NOT require suffering.

In fact, to choose option three means suffering ends. Let me explain.

As Haruki Murakami put it, “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”

In other words, as soon as you choose what IS, the pain may remain, but you begin to transcend it. Choosing the pain that is, gives you an infusion of renewed strength. It’s turning a corner from being a victim to becoming a master of your circumstance. It’s accessing a higher level of empowerment, growth, soul-expansion, and victory.

You wanted growth and achievement, and didn’t think you could have it with your spouse. But option three gives you access to a higher level of growth and achievement that can be realized in no other way. It’s impossible to access that achievement without your spouse. And the more difficult the spouse, the greater will be your potential achievement. (Law of Polarity)

Maybe this was the reason for the new and everlasting covenant, because of how it exalts people if they abide in it.

I have a friend who has been in a difficult marriage for about two decades. She is one of the most wise and radiant people I have ever met. She is well experienced in the principles of Rare Faith, and often feels frustrated that her husband does not believe in himself, or in her dreams. He has fallen into a destructive loop of idleness, discouragement, negativity, anger, illness, and depression, which has plagued their family for years. Her children see it and struggle with it, but they also see how she is transcending above it.

Her community sees the dysfunction and wouldn’t blame her for leaving him. In fact, she’s been advised by well meaning friends and leaders to do just that. They think she’s living a doormat’s life. Yes, it’s painful. Yes, it’s beyond frustrating. And yes, she carries the bulk of the load. But she has chosen to stay, and she is happy.

She said, “People think I’m not happy. People think I’m weak or fearful. But they don’t get it. They don’t understand what the covenant means to me, and what I’ve gained by choosing to stay. I CHOOSE IT, and I don’t suffer.”

Related Podcast: Principles of Personal Freedom

The relationship with God a person can gain by walking the path Jesus walked is impossible to explain. It can only be experienced. We have not been called to love as Jesus loved only when life is easy, we’ve been called to love as Jesus loved particularly when it is hard.

“For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love ye your enemies, and do good, and blend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: …Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over… For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again” (Luke 6:32-38).

It has become common in our society for people to think (whether they want to admit it or not) that we should do all of the following, as long as it’s not for a spouse in a bad marriage:

“[W]hosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also [except in a bad marriage]…

“[I]f any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also [except in a bad marriage].

“And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain [except in a bad marriage].

Give to him that asketh thee [except in a bad marriage]…

“[B]less them that curse you [except in a bad marriage],

“[D]o good to them that hate you [except in a bad marriage]…

“[P]ray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you [except in a bad marriage]…” (Matthew 5:39-48)

If you think about it, where better to apply Jesus’ teachings, than in a bad marriage??

The marriage covenant is the promise we make, the glue meant to keep us together, when things get hard, so that we’re in it long enough to really discover what it means to love like Jesus through our own personal olive press.

You wouldn’t need a covenant to keep an easy marriage together (if there is such a thing). No, you need a covenant to keep hard marriages together, else what is a covenant for?

The good news is that Jesus Christ already suffered it all. He overcame the world, and every horrible experience it contains. He descended below ALL things, so that when we faced our own crucible, we could turn to him and let him carry the burden for us. As we discover this miracle, our burdens become light, and our suffering is replaced with awe, gratitude, amazement, and a realization that the difficulty was truly a gift because it taught us transcendence. And after you discover and glean the full benefit from that hidden gift inside, you’ll look back with gratitude for the time you were privileged to spend in a bad marriage.

Related: Finding Relief From Heavy Burdens

But again, this path, this kind of growth is not something you will ever be forced to pursue, but you are invited to pursue it. Whether you choose it or not, though, at least be conscious that it exists as a third option.

In Option #3, the victory isn’t in fixing the problem, the victory is in overcoming the suffering we think has to be attached to it.

You want personal growth? You want to feel achievement? You want to have success and happiness? You want joy? Keep your covenant and let God teach you how to have joy in the suffering. You don’t have to stay, but if you do, and if you seek it, you will find the miracle contained in that adversity.

The miracle is that you can be sanctified through the suffering. That you can develop a companionship with God so real and so living that the pain no longer touches you. The miracle is that you can learn how to live in true charity, the Love of God, the greatest of all gifts. The miracle is that you will feel a joy so deep and powerful which can be discovered in no other way than to choose the third option. To lay down your life, your dreams, your desires for another—not permanently—but a willingness to put off your reward until the next life if that’s how long it takes, means the potentiality of more rapid growth, deeper sanctification, and faster progress only offered through the package of pain.

Again, you don’t have to suffer it. Even God understands if you choose not to. He understands your pain and has compassion for you. He wants you to be happy. He will provide the resources you need to escape the destruction, if leaving is your choice.

But he will also provide the resources you need to experience the miracle, if staying is your choice.

Bottom line: You have a choice, and whatever you seek is what you’ll find.

If you choose to stay and find the miracle, you need to know that miracles come in many shapes and forms. Maybe the miracle will be that he brings you both to the happiness you long for sooner than expected. Maybe the miracle will be that he blesses you with the strength and power to minister to your spouse in spite of the things you’ve suffered, so that you can experience that godly joy and fulfillment you seek. In either case, it’s a BIG WIN!! Nobody loses. Choosing option three means pain, followed by a victory, eventually.

That was the choice that Christ made for you.

The Great Bridegroom suffered it all. He left nothing un-suffered, because of his love for YOU. He endured it all, for you. And what has he asked in return? “That ye love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12) Think about how he loved. One can only love like him if they are faced with the suffering he faced, and still love anyway.

You’ve used Rare Faith to get the ideal parking spot. You’ve used it to pay your bills, or decorate your home. But there may be no greater purpose for using Rare Faith than to save a marriage. Go ahead and flex your faith muscles in the little things to gain some experience, but don’t shelf what you know when your marriage is on the line.

  • If your spouse isn’t providing, use Rare Faith to meet your needs. See it done, feel the gratitude, and then do the things you’re inspired to do.
  • If your spouse is unkind, use Rare Faith to see the relationship healed. See it done, feel the gratitude, and then do the things you’re inspired to do.
  • If your spouse is lazy, use Rare Faith to see him alive and inspired. See it done, feel the gratitude, and then do the things you’re inspired to do.

But when using Rare Faith in a marriage, and because another person is a part of your vision, let go of the timing.

You’re just creating the possibility, and holding a space for it. It may not happen in this life, and for your Rare Faith to be effective, you have to be okay with that. And then keep calm, and watch what happens. You may be surprised at how quickly the miracles begin to roll out.

So if you do desperately want your marriage to work, and if you also want to feel the soul expansion and joy that comes from personal growth, and fulfilling a mission, imagine the soul expansion, joy, and personal growth that could happen if you make it your mission to save your marriage. With God, nothing is impossible, and with Rare Faith, you now know how to partner with him.

That is all. This is what my post is for—to simply let you know that the third option is legitimate. Nobody seems to be saying so anymore.

The adversary wants you believe that it has to be an either/or. That you have to choose between marriage, OR happiness. Between the relationship, OR progress. But it’s a lie. You will find no greater happiness than to let God show you how to find happiness IN a suffering marriage. Believe it or not, the broken, difficult, frustrating person in front of you is a gift from God. To lose yourself in the service of that person is to discover the greatest secret of all. To experience the greatest potential joy of all. To achieve the greatest accomplishment of all.

Even if mentors or leaders tell you that it’s time to leave, just know that you still have a choice. And in some cases, there is no right or wrong—both are worthy and acceptable, even before God. There will be challenges and blessings hidden behind both doors. Ultimately, it’s between you and God alone, and he knows your heart. Whichever path you walk, if you walk it with the Lord, you can become one with him. Just know that if you put your priority on your marriage covenant, and if you trust that the Lord will make a way for everything else to be realized at the right time, then you will unlock the door to blessings that cannot be realized in any other way.

Just remember, if the relationship is struggling, your spouse is suffering. What can you do to alleviate his suffering?

(But what if I’M the one suffering??)

I hear you. So what can you do to alleviate your spouse’s suffering?

(You’re asking me to do something impossible.)

Believe me, I know. I’ve been there. But it’s the third option that the adversary doesn’t want you to know about. And the gift, the reward on the other side of it is beyond anything else you will ever achieve.

This package of challenges you’ve received is a gift, an opportunity to really learn true charity, the pure love of Christ.

“[C]harity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

“But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.” (Moroni 45:47)

And because of the Law of Polarity, if you choose this path, you will not be left without a reward of equal or greater value than the difficulty you experienced in choosing it.

“Every adversity has a seed of equal or greater benefit” – Napoleon Hill

In other words, the worse your marriage is, the greater the potential benefit contained in it. You can’t access the best blessing without a passage through the worst adversity.

You can end a suffering marriage, and you may be justified in doing so. But what if you’re missing out on the greatest gift God ever tried to bestow upon you? Please, just don’t end a marriage without knowing that this third path is indeed an option. With God’s help you can create something miraculous out of it, even if it takes the rest of your life before you see its fruit.

Nobody else out there seems to dare to declare such a thing. It’s still true that with God, nothing is impossible. A spouse can change, but we ruin it all by trying to change him or her in our way, and in our timing.

As Bob Proctor says it, “People don’t resist change, they resist being changed.”

Surrender to God’s will and let Him teach you a better way.

There’s a path to achievement, and there’s a path to purification. If you put first your walk toward purification, then you will achieve the greatest achievement of all.

I wrote about my own experience with this here: The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Tried to Write

Finally, a word to those who are already divorced:

If you are already divorced and were never truly conscious of the third option, God will never deny any particular blessing to the person who genuinely and humbly desires and seeks it. Turn your heart to him and let him show you how to get from where you are now to where you want to be. Like I said, life is an eternal journey and today is just a blip. No matter where you are today, God is there to walk the rest of the path with you, and to show you how to inherit his greatest rewards.

#rarefaith #thirdoption

UPDATE: Wow! Thank you for all of your comments. I encourage everyone to read the additional input below – some important points have been made about boundaries, and what this looks like carried out, submitted by people who have experienced the third option first-hand.

Share

Funny Story

Some time ago I was in Utah with my husband and two of my kids for a conference, and while we were there, I needed to pick up some books from Garrett Gunderson, my co-author for Portal to Genius. I love telling people about his other book, Killing Sacred Cows, and needed some on hand for a local event.

I texted Garrett while I was in town, and since it was on a weekend and nobody was in his office, my only other option on short notice was to pick the books up from his home.

He responded, “I’m out of town, so just go get some from the garage in the back of my house. We have some friends staying in an RV out front – just tell them why you’re there if they ask.”

I rounded the corner to his home and pulled up in front. “I’ll just be a minute, kids.”

The house was dark, and so was the RV, so I just went to the gate, followed his instructions on how to get in, and made my way to the back garage.  The door was ajar, so I let myself in.

A quick scan of the area produced nothing—I couldn’t find any books. So, I texted Garrett again for better instructions. He didn’t answer, so I called my husband. “Can you try to get a hold of Garrett and ask him where in the garage are the books?”

A few minutes later, he came back with, “You were supposed to do this tricky latch thing with the gate…”

“Yeah, I did that; I’m already in the garage—where are the books?”

“He said they’re in the back garage…”

“Yeah, I know; I AM in the back garage. Where in the garage are these books supposed to be?”

“He just said it would be obvious. There’s 5,000 books in there.”

I was stumped. I looked around, and I saw nothing but three cars and some tools, and a few large RubberMaid-style plastic bins—not the best for book storage, and no way there would be room inside those bins for 5,000 anyway.  I checked the rafters above me. I prowled between all three of the cars, scanning every square inch, thinking I must be blind.

Why don’t his directions make any sense? Why aren’t they producing the results he promised?

I came out of the garage and walked out to the front again. I turned around and retraced the same steps, following the directions perfectly. I prowled around the darkly lit back yard a bit, double-checking to make sure there wasn’t another back garage somewhere, and ended up back in the same garage with no greater insight than I had before.

I called Trevan again. “Honey, there are NO books in here—and nowhere to hide 5,000 of them anyway.  I’m sure if this pile of books was a snake it would’ve already bit me, but I’m stumped.  Will you call Garrett again?”

Trevan ended up calling Garrett two or three times. He told Garrett, “She can’t find them.”

Garrett responded, “I don’t know how she could miss them! Is she in the back garage?”

“She says she’s in there, and she’s not seeing them.”

To be perfectly truthful, I was getting REALLY frustrated with Garrett for not being more specific, and for not taking my frustration seriously enough to give me some useful instructions.  I felt like he was ignoring my question, leaving me to figure it all out on my own, and I was already late for an appointment and increasingly annoyed about this predicament. Why won’t he just tell me something more specific like, “The books are in the north-west corner next to the white SUV” or something like that?

Finally, after going in and out three times and scouring the place, I came back to my car and took a deep breath. Glancing up, I noticed there was another RV parked out front of the neighbor’s house next door, too.

Then it dawned on me.

I was at the wrong house altogether.  I had been prowling inside a stranger’s home; trespassing, combing their property for something that didn’t exist. Once I put myself in the right location, the instructions finally worked. I met Garrett’s house guest, did the tricky latch thing, found the back garage, and retrieved the books.

Now for the lesson. (Of course, you knew I’d find a lesson in this, didn’t you?)

Here it goes:

How often do you take advice on how to get what you want, only to find those instructions don’t produce the promised results?

Garrett promised there were thousands of books waiting for me—an abundance of what I wanted—and his instructions were perfectly accurate. The fact that I could not receive them was not his fault. The blame rested squarely upon my own shoulders for not making sure I was first oriented to the location that was supposed to be the starting point.

Perhaps you’ve found hope through various books, audios, or events from me or other teachers of success principles, but are having trouble experiencing the promised results. If that’s the case, then let’s take a step back and find out if you’re in the right starting point for utilizing those instructions, shall we?

When you don’t achieve the results you expect, “check the address.”

The Mindset Mastery Program can help. It opens wide its arms to gather in all who struggle to see results, and brings them first to square ONE. If you’ll allow me to bring you to square ONE, then from there, the program walks you step-by-step through an experience where you will get a taste of intentional success with something small, and then gives you the courage and confidence to apply the process to bigger and better things. In fact, once you’ve experienced intentional success in spite of the obstacles once, and your brain has developed those new neural pathways for success, doing it again for bigger life-goals becomes a whole lot easier.

We have countless participants who get through the program and then repeat it again, the next time for something bigger and even more amazing.

No matter where you are now, after you let me guide you to square ONE, the Mindset Mastery Program takes you to the next level and beyond. Join us from home and take it at your own pace, or if you want to go through it with a group, our next Guided class begins soon.

Get signed up today.  I look forward to assisting you!

www.prosperthefamily.com

Leslie

P.S. If you’re not ready for the full program, find out if there’s really anything “to” this by starting with the budget-friendly Mindset Fundamentals Ecourse.

Share

Do the Challenges Ever Stop?

It’s thrilling to discover the principles, and it’s especially exciting when you see them work intentionally for the first time.

From there, you feel empowered and encouraged to think bigger and test the principles on more significant tasks.

But when you face a setback, you might be left wondering,

“What just happened here? I thought if I just live the principles perfectly, the rest of my life would be easy!”

I have an answer for this, and I hope it doesn’t burst anyone’s bubble too much, but we were placed on this earth to grow.

All life is compelled to grow and expand. That is one of the definitions that helps us determine whether something is alive: does it grow?

In order for us to grow, we must have challenges that stretch us beyond our present limits. We must work our mental muscles and exercise our mind, body, and spirit in order to have the joy and experience the success that only comes through growth and expansion. There are few joys that exceed the feeling of facing a difficult challenge, and overcoming it.

The truth is, that if we ever found ourselves without challenges, we would become unhappy and restless.

Remember when you were a child, and your mother tried to teach you how to tie your shoe?

Did it work the first time you tried it? Probably not. And it was probably very frustrating, and likely evoked some tears.

In that moment, there had never been so great a challenge in your life. You wanted to throw in the towel, give up, and if it didn’t make you cry, it probably made you growl in frustration. However, in time, it became old hat for you and you could do it without even thinking.

Sixth Grade

Then when you were in sixth grade, your teacher probably assigned you a book report that would take several weeks and had to fill up about 4 pages. You had never done an assignment that big before, and it was overwhelming. In time, and after being required to do a number of similar assignments, it was no big deal. What took several weeks could be completed in a day, because you had experience.

Fast forward to college.

Remember those projects that ultimately determined your final grade? Remember the countless hours on the computer? Remember closing off your social life in order to meet that deadline? It was overwhelming, and the stress was unbelievable. You had never been required to work so hard on something so important! If you were like me, you shed many tears and begged your professor more than once for mercy.

Then for some of you, you started in the work force and had job pressures and bills to pay. Sometimes it was too much to bear. You thought you had it pretty tough until…

You got married and added a spouse to the picture.

Now there were work pressures, bills to pay, and a spouse to please. Who knew that being responsible to one other person could stir things up that much?

Pretty soon, you got into the routine of things, and even though things are tough, you have no idea what tough means until…

You start having children.

Are there words to describe how complicated things became when kids entered the picture??

Now wait a minute. Think back to the time when you were learning to tie your shoe. Oh, if only life were that easy now!!!

But remember, at the time, when you were six and you had to figure out how to pull the string just enough to make a loop and not enough to make a knot, it was as though the world was falling apart and it was nearly more than you could cope with.

One day, today’s challenges will look like child’s play as you learn to conquer them.

All that I do through my books and programs is to provide the tools you need to learn how to succeed in overcoming the challenges you face today. Will challenges in general go away? No.

But you’ll be prepared to handle bigger challenges, and you’ll grow in faith, hopefully learning to rely more perfectly on God in all you do.

It seems that life will only get more challenging.

WAIT!

I didn’t say life has to get worse, or even harder, but it will constantly deliver more and more ADVANCED challenges.

As we learn the laws and adopt them into our habits, we become successful at overcoming them more and more gracefully. Every challenge could easily seem overwhelming, but only relative to what we’ve conquered in the past.

Challenges are important because they help us build confidence.

Imagine a child who never gained confidence in learning something simple. What if they were required to hold office as president of a large organization? Each challenge is intended to lead us along to receive all that God would have us receive. Each is an opportunity to overcome and gain increased confidence in the partnership we are developing between ourselves and God.

You can get good at handling finances and attracting wealth. Learning to achieve prosperity is a skill that can be improved. Just as you got good at tying a shoe, this is one skill that can become a strength.

Don’t get discouraged if new challenges show up. It doesn’t mean you are failing. It means you have grown to a point where God believes you can handle something else. It is an indication of His increased faith in you.

I heard somewhere, “When you are down to nothing, God is up to something.” There is joy to be had in the struggle. As we learn to find peace in each whirlwind of trouble around us, that is success. Then, the prosperity you want begins to flow naturally.

Seek peace and prosperity comes, seek prosperity and peace flees.

Let me help you find peace, by learning the laws and principles that are dependable and sure. Click here to join me in the Mindset Mastery course – as you allow me to walk you through each lesson and corresponding challenge, your life will never be the same.

Share

When Things Look Bleak

I was in a slump. On the verge of some pretty exciting things, but attacked by new thoughts of concern.

I had set some lofty goals, and as the target date was approaching, things appeared to be bleak, like the feeling in this photo above. It took all my energy to continually push aside doubtful thoughts that the changes I wanted to realize were still possible for me.

For days I was plagued with questions:

  • “What if it doesn’t work out?”
  • “What if I miss my goals?”
  • “What will I do if the resources I need don’t come through?”

Each time an anxious thought came into my head, I rejected it. But just rejecting it wasn’t enough to leave me with burning faith, either.

I was losing sight of my objectives, and felt weak in my ability to apply the principles of prosperity I teach.

“Oh, give yourself a break, Leslie, you’re just pregnant.” I’m acutely aware of my emotional state when hormones are all wacked out, and I learned to trust in God’s mercy in spite of myself. I believe He can bless me even when I’m not perfect (thank heavens) and I’ve learned that because I choose that way of thinking over the more typical, “I’m not worthy of His blessings” mentality, He is then able to send the blessings, by law.

Still, even though I have in the past been able to believe in my goals in spite of myself, that week was especially tough. Hope was fading, and I struggled not to give up.

So I turned to two of my closest friends for support, and to help me fix my thinking. I knew that it was my thinking that needed fixing, even more than the circumstances around me (the lack of evidence that I would succeed). It was my thinking that needed fixing, and my success depended on it.

Marnie’s advice – “Dig into gratitude for what you have and what you know is coming. Also, depression isn’t such a bad thing because it makes you willing to change, helps you see contrast. Also, the whole [law of] rhythm thing: something great’s around the corner. Refocus spiritually. Doctrine and Covenants 6:33-37 really helped me get through [a similar slump]”

(The reference she was talking about reads: “Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail… Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.”)

My husband’s comment: “God hasn’t brought us this far to fail now….”

That comment struck me like a ton of bricks. It made me think back to all of the miracles He has performed for us, and it would be absurd to think that He would bring us this far, only for us to give up on our dreams and fail to accomplish the worthy things we’ve set out to do.

Suddenly, the struggle seemed like a waste of time and energy. No longer did I feel like I was IN the struggle; I felt like I had just set it aside as something I chose to have nothing to do with.

I found a quiet place and took Marnie’s advice to think on all the things I have to be grateful for. And you know what? It wasn’t just a nice exercise, it was literally an action step that helped me get back on track. Because I have a growing understanding of the laws of success, I knew that to take a half hour or an hour to allow myself to feel gratitude to God for all He has done, even to the point of tears, was to put myself in harmony with Him again, and prepare myself to receive the blessings He wants to send me.

Positive Thinking Tip: Reflect with gratitude on your current blessings and previous victories.

No matter how far we come in learning these principles, we will be challenged our entire life to continue exercising those “muscles.” They can atrophy if we let them. Once again, I became excited about my dreams.

It’s true: we can make of our life anything we want it to be!

Above all, the only things that really needs fixing when things look bleak are our thoughts.

0795_Leslie-author-FB-sq-rotated-flippedGet your thinking right, and everything else falls into place.

Download a free copy of The Jackrabbit Factor or Hidden Treasures: Heaven’s Astonishing Help With Your Money Matters, and I’ll help you make the transformation, one step at a time.

If you’re ready to put what you’ve been learning to the test, join me in the Mindset Mastery course and participate in two powerful experiments using these principles. Discover for yourself the power of your thoughts as I coach you step-by-step through how to use them with intention to make significant changes in your life. The first experiment in phase one is a practice run so you get a feel for how it works. The second experiment is phase two, where you apply what you learned in the first phase to something more difficult, important, or meaningful. With this practice, you’ll gain the confidence you need to apply the principles to any life change you desire.

Learn more and get started now at www.ProspertheFamily.com

See you on the inside!

Leslie

Share

Think Prosperously, Behave Frugally

Here is a question from one of my readers that I thought was worthwhile to share with you.

Question:

How do you think, especially speak, feel, and act as though you are rich, and…

A. not spend money you don’t have?

B. still give positive responses as though the money is here now to people asking you to do things you don’t have the money for???

How do you “feel” like the money is here now, when you see something you want to buy, and can’t responsibly do that?

My Answer:

You can accomplish the “feel” task during a quiet moment of meditation – a finite length of time. Sometimes I’ll just go lay down for a nap and let myself daydream and feel the abundance I’m hoping for, and allow my mind to experience its reality, even if it is just for a few minutes. That’s planting the seed, and turning it over to the subconscious.

Then when you’re back to life as usual, behave responsibly. Say no when an irresponsible purchase is tempting you. Determine the difference between an irresponsible purchase and one that may lead you to the solutions you are searching for.

If you have planted the seed, then you will be led to opportunities, and there may be a twinge of fear in taking advantage of them, but it is a different kind of fear than the kind that accompanies frivolous purchases. Deep down, if you have a clear vision of where you ultimately want to be, you’ll know the difference. If it’s the kind of fear that prevents your progression, then it is worth facing. If it is the kind of fear that protects you from making a mistake, then pay attention to it.

How can you know the difference? If you spend the time visualizing and feeling like I’ve suggested, then when the fear comes, you’ll know in your gut which kind it is.

Out of all I’ve just said, the part that most people will NEVER do is to take the time to daydream, visualize, and FEEL, and approach it like a task on their to-do list. Do it, then check it off, and watch for the opportunities to come. Do it, and notice how much more clearly it is to discern a distraction or trap from an opportunity.

When you get confused or fearful, do it again, check it off, and move your feet forward, expecting clarity to come as you go.

Be smart with your spending, only live abundantly in your mind, enjoying the “experience” of virtual prosperity, but then live life as normal. In time, circumstances will re-arrange themselves to open the right doors and bring you the right opportunities, until reality can reflect the images of your thoughts.

Optimism will lead you to financial solutions, but be smart and live responsibly in the here and now.

Above all, stick to sound principles. We got caught a big debt trap even several years after learning these principles, because we got too excited about changing things too quickly. It was a painful lesson to learn, so now I discourage you from using credit to purchase my trainings or products. I’ll tell you instead to read The Jackrabbit Factor FREE, and do what it teaches to obtain the money you need.

I strongly advise you to give 10% to charity and save 10% of your earnings as well, no matter what you make. If you can’t, then get another or better job, or cut back on your lifestyle. Yes, I just said that.

Build a solid financial foundation. Do the hard things now on the way to your dream. Establish sound financial habits that will follow you into prosperity. If you are careless with the little money, you’ll be careless with the big money. It happened to us. It’s pretty much a law of nature: human nature.

Pay attention to the market trends and don’t get caught up in the frenzies. There will always be ups and downs. And ups. If you missed a window of opportunity, just put your life and house in order so that you’ll be ready for the next one. Practice delayed gratification.

You might be surprised to know that we are not paying for our children’s educations – we’re teaching them that they will need to earn the money or get scholarships. We are teaching them to avoid debt like the plague, even for their education. So far so good. I hope they stick to it, even if it takes them longer to finish. I tell them to sacrifice, work, think long term, and watch the opportunities come. I believe God honors and blesses those who practice wisdom.

He also lets us do stupid things, so trust me – be wise. Be the weird one in your circle of friends who doesn’t have all the luxuries, because you’re working a long-term plan. As the old adage goes, the last shall be first and the first shall be last.

All the while, practice the principles of right-thinking. Have faith. Think optimistically. Create a vision for where you’re going. Trust in the Law of Rhythm, and the Law of Polarity, and the Law of Vibration, especially. Read all about these laws FREE, here.

When you’re out shopping with your kids and they beg you to buy something, don’t say, “I can’t.” Instead say, “I choose not to spend my money on that.” Speak to empower. Even if you can’t afford it, your mind will hear and feel the response “I choose” differently than “I can’t.” And it time, you’ll see the effects. When the words you speak are in line with correct principles, your life can’t help but begin to move in a better direction. Originally published September 12, 2006

Related: To Debt or Not To Debt. Learn how the way you feel about the purchase can also affect the overall outcome.

Share