By Kathryn Barney
I was committed to helping my mentally ill, rebellious son get the help he needed. In fact, I have never been so passionately committed to anything in my life. Like any mother, I loved him with all of my heart – a broken heart, as we struggled through the ongoing crisis with him.
I was desperately, singularly focused on helping him. (I know that desperation is not the most effective tool for goal accomplishment, but I was desperate.)
I had learned Rare Faith principles over the years, but had never truly internalized them or become adept at applying them. At the beginning of this five-year struggle, I didn’t even think about or try to use the principles.
Our journey reached a point where I felt strongly that my son needed intensive residential care. I tried diligently to get it for him. I researched different facilities, I talked to therapists, and I talked to our insurance company.
My chosen RTC (residential treatment center) was one I had been familiar with for years. I had several family members, close family friends, and neighbors who had been associated with it. I was taking my son to the center for out-patient therapy. I felt sure it was the place for him to be.
I hit one obstacle after another. The most trying obstacle was certain people involved in his care who I felt were blocking every step I tried to take. I felt like they didn’t take seriously the urgency or intensity of the problem. I felt like they were blaming me. I felt like they were not willing to do what needed to be done to get my son the help he needed.
I tried for a year and a half to get my son into treatment. We even took legal action at one point, just so I could make decisions about his care.
Finally, I remembered these principles. I prayerfully and carefully wrote a goal statement, and I intentionally did not choose “RTC” as the end goal. The end goal was that my son would get the treatment he needed, treatment that gives the best results and is the quickest, most productive, and cost effective. The statement included being able to pay for the treatment, that he would have the people and experiences he needed, and that all people involved would be cooperative and understanding.
I accepted that perhaps RTC was not the answer, that there was some other type of treatment available, and that I could put my trust in the Lord to have it come about.
I recorded the goal statement and listened to it ten times a day.
Miracles started happening.
First, his issues got much, much worse (which meant that the insurance was much more likely to pay). Suddenly, the people blocking my efforts saw the light and started to support us. Overnight, we were given a spot in an RTC that I was unfamiliar with.
I continued listening to the goal statement after he was admitted.
For FOUR months, we had insurance reviews every five days. Every person involved with his treatment (especially his other parents) felt so much anxiety each time. But I felt completely calm. I knew that the way would be provided until he had completed what he needed to complete in RTC.
The most amazing thing to me was the timing. I had tried for a year and a half to get him into treatment. If I had had my way, he would have been in a different RTC with a different therapist and different programs and different staff. He would have been there before he was really ready for it. Insurance most likely wouldn’t have paid, and we could have lost everything trying to pay for it.
He ended up at the BEST facility for him. The staff was incredible. The communication with us was excellent. The programs were well-taught and effective. And they excelled at getting insurance to pay. The whole experience felt miraculous to me, especially because it was not what I would have originally chosen.
A year later, my sister (going through a similar experience) placed her teenage daughter in the RTC where I originally wanted my son to go. It was a severe disappointment. The therapists were mediocre. The program wasn’t effective. Communication with the family was almost non-existent. This all just confirmed to me that timing is everything and the Lord is in charge. Because I let go of my original plan and turned everything over to Him, my son got the right treatment at the right time in the right place with the right people.
Because of the Law of Gestation, my results came when the Lord knew it was best.
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