by Ann Ferguson
Years ago, I believe that living a life in lack was my lot in life. It felt like I lacked everything outside of the air I had to breathe. I lacked love; my husband had turned his heart away from me and had given it to another woman. I lacked time; I had five small children who needed every second of my waking hours. I lacked friendship; the woman my husband had given his heart to had been my best friend, so my trust in friendship was gone. I lacked money. I lacked support. I lacked energy, respect, and even the ability to feel emotions fully. I was shut down, closed off, afraid, and felt like one of the walking dead. The numbness was better than loneliness, fear, or pain. Everywhere I turned, I saw what I didn’t have.
One afternoon I was mindlessly folding laundry. Oprah was on TV. I was listening but not focused. There wasn’t time to relax. I was trying desperately to get the clothes folded and put into the basket before my two-year-old pulled it all out, and he was fast—no time to rest. Oprah was interviewing a woman who had written a book about living an abundantly simple life. The concept seemed so foreign to me. The word abundance implanted in my head like a song that you hear in a store somewhere and find yourself repeating the words to it in your head but can’t remember where you heard it.
Abundance….abundance… Several hours later, when I realized the word was floating around in my head, I asked myself, “What does that word even mean?” I had no practical experience with it. Abundance was for people who didn’t have five young children. Abundance was for women who had devoted husbands. Abundance was for the lucky people in the world that fell into it and then touted how wonderful their life was. Abundance…abundance… The word would not get out of my head.
I value knowledge. When I don’t know something, I try to figure it out. Abundance really had me stuck. I knew that when you lack wisdom, you can ask God, so I said a quick prayer. “Heavenly Father, what is abundance? I have no clue what it even means. I’m willing to learn. No, I’m more than willing. I want to know. What is abundance?” The prayer was over. My thoughts drifted back to what I was doing, and the word disappeared from my mind.
A few weeks went by. I had forgotten about the word and the prayer. Then one night, as I was driving home from my part-time job, I noticed that my gas light was on and I was driving on fumes…again. My tank had been hovering just above empty for almost six months. I drove a Suburban, and because of how high gas prices were, it took $80.00 to fill it. My husband had “taken over the finances,” and was not keeping up with the basics. It was not uncommon for me to wake up in the morning to find that I had no water or power due to a shut-off. So, to be sure I had what I needed to keep the utilities on, I would cash my paycheck and put enough gas in my tank to last about two days, usually $20.00. When I was on “E” again. I would spend another $20.00. My thought was that if I had nothing, I couldn’t offer anything to the utility company. If I had a little something, maybe I could work out a deal. When the cash was gone, I would get down on my knees and pray for another $20.00 so that I could pick my kids up from the bus stop. Miraculously God consistently provided, and I had the faith that he always would. That’s how my life was. Not enough, and just above empty.
This particular night He had a different plan in mind. As I was walking towards the door of the convenience store to pay for the gas, I felt a strong impression to fill the tank. Immediately a feeling of panic surged through me. As I walked, I tried to shrug it off as ridiculous. It felt extremely irresponsible. A few steps more and I felt the prompting again, and again I shot it down. The thought was persistent. By the time I was in front of the cashier, I knew that if I didn’t pay for a full tank, I would not be in alignment with the Spirit. My hands shook as I watched myself hand over $80.00.
I walked back to the car, feeling overwhelmed with dread. My mind was racing to come up with a new plan on how to handle things if the water was shut off within the next few weeks. I grabbed the pump handle and filled the tank with gas.
I hung the nozzle up and got into the car. My legs were weak and tingling due to the adrenaline that was coursing through my body. I buckled my seatbelt and went to turn the car on. My eyes fixated on the gas needle that was on “F.” It was such a strange sight. My eyes had not seen it for months. A peace washed over me that there was enough gas for more than a week.
It was then that the Spirit gave me my first lesson in abundance. As I stared at the needle, my heart rate slowed. A clear thought came into my mind in the form of instruction. It was this. “Notice the gage. See that your tank is full. You are abundant in gas tonight. You have more than you need to get home and get the kids to the bus stop in the morning. Every time you get into the car from now on, look at the gage. Notice that is it enough. In a few days, I will give you $20.00. Put it on the top of the tank so that you have evidence of abundance. Do not let it get below half a tank again. I will provide. I lack nothing, and if you are brave like you were tonight, I will fill your life with abundance just like I did the tank. Thank you so much for allowing me to bless you.”
It was one of the most profound moments in my life. I followed the instructions the Spirit gave me. Almost imperceptibly, my vibration changed one tank at a time, one inspired idea at a time. I went from vibrating with lack and not enough, to vibrating with more than enough, and more on the way! The transformation didn’t happen overnight, and many times I shook in fear as I co-created with God, but it did happen. I am a witness that having the courage to step forward with Rare Faith will open up a life of abundance.
Today I believe that abundance, not lack, is my lot in life. I have enough love, time, friendship, money, support, respect, passion, and purpose. I am no longer numb. I am thriving instead of just surviving. I have enough and can feel the thrill of visioning more. I am alive. Best of all, I can feel gratitude for the things I experienced in the past. I can feel gratitude for the experiences that are happening now, and I am grateful for all that is yet to come. Co-creating an existence with a God who loves to bless his children is possible. The laws of thought are universal divine principles. Keep studying, keep moving your feet, keep trusting. So much more than you know is on the way!
Oh, and here’s a fun fact I learned. When you put $20.00 on the top of the tank, you get more miles per gallon. God is so good.
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