Uneasiness and permission granted

Parenting Transformation Journey – page 9
(Click here for page 1)

Last night I was feeling so amazed at my energy level after a full day of intentional parenting that I managed to get several other things done before going to bed at about 12:30 am. Slept well, aside from the baby gorilla attacking me in my dreams.

As you can tell from my last post, I was beginning to feel a little uneasy about sharing the journey publicly, for fear that my motives might be misunderstood, or that my children might regret the public display of our private lives, so I brought it up with them at breakfast. I explained that it has been a long time since I’ve tried to learn something new really well. I’ve learned a lot of things superficially, but this is a new set of skills and a new understanding of principles that really I want to become a part of me. I want these strategies to become second-nature.

So I explained that after taking all those notes at Nicholeen’s class last week, I went back through them and used about 6 different colored highlighters and pens to bring color to the parts that really stuck out. I went through with one color, then back through it again with another, until I had reviewed my notes at least 6 times over. I went from remembering a couple powerful nuggets to nearly memorizing the whole thing – or at least knowing the ideas were there, and if I forgot the particulars, I could easily reference them again because I could see in my head the page and the colors and the thoughts connected to it.

I also explained that Nicholeen suggested that we write about the process as we go through it, and it will help us remember more. She said that we read to teach, and we write to learn. (I’m not sure that’s entirely how it works for me… in my world I believe I write to teach, and I read to learn, but then when I really think about it, it IS when I write that I’M really the one learning after all.)

So I told them about the blog, and how I’m writing (to learn) about this implementation process. I explained that I began to feel uneasy about making it public, and I said that I wanted to find out how they felt about it. I told them that I wasn’t using names, but that if anyone knows our family, they may be able to deduce who is doing what. One by one, they each said that they were fine with it – even the daughter who had the most trouble yesterday. They liked the idea that sharing this process might help someone else’s family.

I told them that I could always make it private if they were uncomfortable with it. But they encouraged me to keep it public. They understood that the purpose is to see what needs improvement, identify it, address it, and show the progress. They liked the idea that even if something negative is shared, as long as we also share the good that came out of it, they were supportive of the project.

One thing worth mentioning about my daughter who is now more than halfway through the 24 hour process, is that one of my sons (who often has fights with her) said something interesting this morning. “Mom, [this sister] is amazing. She is really growing up! I’ve just been noticing what a good person she really is.” And the fact that he said it in front of her made it an especially wonderful moment.

If you disagree with anything I’m doing, then before leaving your comments, all I ask is that you please first watch this television episode so you can see where this is going. They say that in the middle of a life-saving surgery it can appear as though there has been a murder in the room. It might get a little messy in the middle, but I do believe and trust in the end result. Each of my posts – standing alone – will not provide the big picture, but the episode does. Enjoy!

Leslie Householder
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