By Bethany Theulen
This last winter I went through one of the most stressful (in all honesty, probably THE most stressful) experiences of my life. I have experienced heartache, loss of loved ones, setbacks, and financial hardships, but none of them can compare to this particular experience. It was during this time that I had to dig deep and decide if I was going to apply my Rare Faith education and lean on the principles of mindset or fall back into old thought patterns and remain in a state of victimhood.
The truth was, the circumstances I was in were a combination of me making some poor judgment calls and others exercising their agency to be vindictive, greedy, and deceitful. There was also a heavy dose of God’s hand and valuable lessons within that mix, but when it came right down to it – it was myself that had to decide how I was going to face the situation. Trying to make “sense” of how I ended up there was irrelevant at that point and was not going to help me in the slightest.
There were so many terror barriers to push through during those few months. Some of those barriers were simply to apply my faith to taking action on next steps that appeared irrational, but I knew in my heart were right. However, the biggest terror barrier I faced during that time was simply believing that I was enough. Was I enough to continue to lean into faith in such a way that the Lord would know He could count on me? Was I enough to care for my children when all of my outer circumstances stated I couldn’t? Was I enough to my Heavenly Father? Was I enough for me?
I was 45 years old, and I had never once believed that I was enough. Sure, my parents, family, and friends had always told me I was. My church leaders had always taught me I was, but I just could not believe it within myself. There is a lot of darkness felt during a lifetime of feeling inadequate. It was during this time I realized that if I truly wanted to change my outer circumstances, then I would have to change my inner thoughts.
Every day I studied the laws and principles governing my thoughts. I journaled. I prayed. I cried often. Although it was uncomfortable, I started letting others offer me physical and emotional support. I leaned heavily into meditation and affirmations, in addition to all of the spiritual support I knew how to call on.
And then it happened. The darkness lifted. I realized that I absolutely was enough. I could say it without choking. I believed it, and the light and peace I felt were the best example I had personally experienced of the Law of Polarity. Leslie teaches that everything has an equal and opposite counterpart, and I learned firsthand that this does not only apply to challenges and circumstances, but also to our feelings. Yes, the circumstances I was in resolved, but only temporarily. I later faced more challenges that were far more extreme; however, the stress I felt during those heavier challenges was far less. Because of the lesson I had personally experienced – going from extreme darkness, depression, and anxiety to an intensity of light, love, and hope I had never before felt – I was equipped with the mental tools needed to continue to face life’s battles.
Life, itself, has not magically become simple. It has not become easy nor have the heavy burdens of raising multiple children with mental illnesses been lifted. However, the light I am able to feel now is directly proportional to the darkness I used to feel, and it is worth all of the effort and all of the terror barriers I pushed through to get here.
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