Taking turns feeling discouraged

Today’s Q/A comes from a husband and wife who take turns feeling frustrated, confused, or lost in their common goals. Keri writes:

Hi Leslie,

I have followed you now for about 3 years. I have read your first two books and have listened to all your podcasts. My husband and I have been applying your techniques the last 2 years as well. However, we are just stuck and frustrated.

He would like a new career, so 3 yrs ago he went back to school and is finishing up his BA degree in Administrative Business. He graduates in May of next year. We love our home and have lived there for 14 yrs, We are in our mid 40’s and don’t want to be in debt until we are in our 60’s. The home is on 6 acres with a lot of up keep. We want to be debt free and free to travel when we want. We have 4 children. Our oldest is married at BYU I and our second will be leaving on a mission next June. We are still raising our two youngest in High school.

We keep visualizing that we want to live in the mountains…, be financially secure and be able to travel when we want. We feel like we should sell our home and downsize and get out of debt. So the home is currently listed. However, every time my husband and I try, he either gets frustrated because he feels nothing is happening and doesn’t even know what it is that he wants. And the same goes for me. We take turns.

We are at a weird transitional stage in our lives and we are just trying to figure it out. We try meditation, writing our goals down. Should we just sit back and be patient? Is it a timing thing? We don’t really want to end up where we currently are in the future.


Hi Keri,

There are a lot of moving parts here and it’s not really possible for me to provide a fully detailed reply without knowing you better (even if I had one), but based on the way you described the situation, it seems to me that maybe things feel stuck because you both struggle to be solidly decided upon what you really want. The principles work best when the purpose is clearly defined, firm, and determined. When what we want changes too frequently, the unseen help has to work on a moving target.

If the end result regarding your house or retirement doesn’t really matter in the eternal scheme of things, you’ll be best off dreaming together until you land on something you can stick to. If the end result does matter to you, then what you should want may not be immediately clear, but you can trust that your life experiences are going to naturally lead you to discover it. In either case, keeping calm and not letting the frustration become a dominant emotion is going to be one of the most important things for staying headed in the right direction.

Here’s an article that may also help: https://rarefaith.org/why-your-life-needs-a-spec/

Warmly, Leslie

Hi Leslie,

This is great, thank you for taking the time! This makes a lot of sense! Your right, we need to just remain calm and let divine intervention lead us! It is hard sometimes because I always hear, you create the life that you thought of, so we are just not sure what we really want. However like you said, just be calm and let it happen.


(For more articles about the challenges of goal achievement and marriage, click here.)

Leslie Householder

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