Here’s a throwback post from 2011:
It’s after 2 in the morning and I’m still wide awake – just read my sister’s blog and I’m re-inspired to try harder to share more of my real and raw experiences, too. Here comes a real and raw one now:
If you’ve known me very long, you may have noticed how I’ve sort of fallen off the map since May. (Thankfully, today’s technology allows me to automate much of my business and take a sabbatical when I need one without it being too obvious. One way I did this was by pulling out some of my favorite, archived articles/blog posts and recycling them, or talking about other interesting people and the messages they had to share instead of my own.)
As I’ve said before (like I did in my class, “Lessons Learned Since Writing Jackrabbit Factor,”) our world turned upside down about 5 years ago. Everything that had been going so well (you know, all those reasons I wrote Jackrabbit Factor and Hidden Treasures in the first place) suddenly imploded. Well, not suddenly – it seemed to happen in slow motion – so slow that we hardly noticed what was happening.
Let me back up. After our first big financial breakthrough in 2000, and after having enjoyed our new success for several years, we made some careless investment decisions. When we finally became completely conscious of the problem, we believed that we could “make” those bad decisions into good ones somehow just by “thinking right”.
A hard lesson I learned was that, sure, while it may be true that in every adversity there is a seed of equal or greater benefit, that doesn’t mean the adversity will go away with right thinking.
It only promises that something good can be born from it.
It seemed that no matter how much positive thinking I mustered, our situation refused to improve. It felt as though the principles were suspended on my behalf and it didn’t matter how well I lived what I had been teaching, none of it seemed to be working as it had in the past.
So as you can imagine, one of my biggest stresses was figuring out what to do with the business. My husband had long since left his job to help me with it. But now, what about my books? What about our websites and programs? If the principles really didn’t work any more, how could I possibly continue teaching them?
I wondered if it was time to just pull all the books from the bookstores and issue a public apology. But, even as I fought my own demons, I continued to receive mail from readers all over the world who shared their success stories and profound gratitude for my work. Ben Southall attained the World’s Best Job out of 34,000 applicants and credited my book for his success on a national news program. Publishers from other countries were asking for the rights to my book. Business owners were talking about how my programs had helped them multiply their revenues. Mothers shared stories of how they got the money they needed even after all appearances indicated it should have been impossible.
I read their expressions of gratitude and began to feel jealous of my readers’ successes. I began to feel like a pawn – an instrument in God’s hand, helping thousands of people achieve their dreams, but not being allowed to achieve MY dream, which was to just live a simple life enjoying my children and focusing 100% on my own little family.
Each time I seriously thought about quitting, I remembered those people and their stories. Simultaneously, I felt God telling me, “Keep teaching – you don’t make the principles true or false by how well you live them.”
Actually, we had quite a few arguments about that, God and I. But He always won. I’d throw my Felicity tantrum, and get bitter, rebellious and cynical. I’d try to ignore the needs of the business and just DECIDE to live the life I wanted. But then life always had a way of throwing me back into the work.
In my rebellious moments, I derived tremendous pleasure out of cleaning a toilet, or reorganizing a cupboard. After all, that’s what normal people do, right? I just wanted to be normal. I wanted to let go of the pressure I felt to be a shining example of right thinking.
I can’t tell you how many times I logged into Facebook, sorely tempted to update my status with what I was really feeling. I can be really good at sarcasm, but I also know how damaging it can be, so I resisted.
Over time, I began to learn new lessons. Deep, profound, clarifying insight into the same principles I had thought I understood before. My mind opened up and all the pain began to have purpose again. I began to write the Jackrabbit Factor sequel, Portal to Genius, to document what I was learning. We had new breakthroughs, and began to see our finances turning around. We had some of our best months we’d ever had, but still had a pretty deep hole to climb out of.
The final verdict was this: I knew the principles were true. I knew that things around me changed according to my thoughts and emotions. I knew that things went better when I lived with childlike faith, and took the time to “see” the outcome I really desired and answered the question: How would it really feel if…?
It’s just that sometimes I didn’t feel like doing it. I was tired. I was discouraged. I was impatient. I was embarrassed. Thinking right takes effort and intention, and frankly, sometimes it’s just plain easier NOT to do it.
Anyway, I really do need to get some sleep, but all this is leading up to why I had to drop off the map in May, and what’s happened since. It’s actually very exciting. 🙂
So stay tuned… and g’nite!
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71 Responses
Leslie, it takes solid character to admit things aren’t working. One of my friends remarked how the economy imploded in the wake of The Secret phenomenon because the focus was essentially greed and personal wish fulfillment. I know you were distanced somewhat from all of that. Maybe the universe was adjusting to teach the lesson: All things are possible that are expedient in God’s plan for His children. His hopes for us don’t always coincide with our wishful thinking.
Thank you for sharing your candid thoughts.
I’m going through all those things right now…tired, discouraged, impatient…it takes a lot of work to stay in “right thinking”. Thank you for letting me know it even happens to you – it makes it easier somehow. Thanks Leslie.
I’ve been wondering about you. At the same time I’ve been especially busy with my own life and doTerra oils. My service mission at Bishops’ Storehouse is completed. I’m now on the Scout Committee.
My children organized a big family reunion over Thanksgiving. It has been wonderful.
Glad you keep picking yourself up so you can move forward. God bless you.
Please keep it. The thing that makes you different is your honesty and candor in the things you share. It gives us all hope in our individual journeys. Thank you so much!
Leave it! It was beautiful and really touched some key points in my life and made me realize that I need to get onto that bandwagon of postive thinking. I’m happy to read that you are no different than anyone else and just because of your knowledge aren’t immune to the struggles of life. You will be blessed and will grow stronger from them.
Dear Leslie-
THANK YOU for posting your true feelings and struggles with us! As one who is still learning the art of abundance in it’s basic form, even after reading all three of your books mentioned above, and after attending a workshop on “Living [My] Soul Purpose” with Garret White, after attending a one day “Freedom Fast Track” seminar with Garret Gunderson, as well as a couple of Kirk Duncan’s “3 Key Elements” programs. Despite my own struggles, I have faith that these principles do work, and for those like you and Garret W., they still work, but perhaps there are still higher laws that are important for you to learn, as you mentioned in “Portal”.
You have an extremely important message that (I feel) the Lord wants you to continue to share, because, as you’ve seen from others’ responses, the principles do work when we actually apply them. My challenge is taking all the information I’ve learned & believe in, and incorporating them into my daily life.
If you were to issue a retraction on FB, pull your books from the bookstores, etc., it seems like you might be letting The Adversary get the better of you; there is nothing he would like better than to let you get so discouraged as to have you quit after a [prolonged?] struggle. I have faith in you and yours & Trevan’s ability to receive the inspiration necessary to work your way out of any holes that you may have dug yourself into.
God will bless & reward you, and you’ll then be able to continue to support the rest of us in our journeys, as well. You are in our prayers.
~kent~
“Thinking right takes effort and intention, and frankly, sometimes it’s just plain easier NOT to do it.”
Thank you for these words. When I shared similar feelings with my group they were full of cautionary words. I just wanted to hear that other people sometimes got frustrated or discouraged. I believe in all of this stuff, but sometimes I do get discouraged (usually it happens when I’m overtired or have too much to do).
Just reading about the fact that you too have moments when you feel this way, makes me feel more normal. What’s important is to move through these moments, not not try to have them.
Thank you for sharing.
You and I must be separated at birth! The exact thing has been happening to me lately. It seems God has suspended my success while approving other peoples. I’ve wanted to start my own business for many many years. In the last few I’ve wanted to start a successful website, with no luck no matter what I try. I encouraged my little brother to start his own website selling his talents and his success was almost immediate! He now makes more online in a month than I do punching a clock! I argue with God as well, only to lose and keep hearing, “Just be patient, it’s coming.” Thanks for this.
I had a powerful lesson taught to me this weekend. I had a client e-mail to cancel an appointment and all future appointments as well as wanting a refund without telling me the specific reason. Selfishly, I started worrying that maybe I offended them. Maybe they found someone who gives them better service than I do. Maybe someone said something bad about me and they believed it. All of my concern was for myself. My thoughts were all about how this would effect me financially and otherwise. Then I decided to let it go and serve them by giving them what they wanted and reaffirm my dedication to serve them in the future should they need me. I accepted the need that they had without requiring an explanation…though I really wanted one. What I got in return was the real reason. It wasn’t about me at all. They had a family situation that was serious and needed the money. They just didn’t want to tell anyone. I realized that my selfishness if I continued with my initial train of thought could have pushed them away. Instead it gave me an opportunity to serve them even more. I needed to forget myself again. I offered my faith in them, their family and the situation. I promised to pray for them and then I spent the weekend doing just that. I prayed that they would have good people and experiences to guide them. I prayed that memories of love, good times and all of God’s blessings would be brought to the forefront of their minds. I prayed that any distractions or negative influences that had caused this situation would be cast out and replaced with gratitude and God’s love. I didn’t ask that they be changed…just that they would have better information brought to them to help them make decisions that would bless their life. Influence them for good so that whatever steps that they take, will be the ones that will ultimately make them the happiest. I got a call today. Everything has changed. My client didn’t know what kind of prayers I had prayed, but this morning everything is fixed and things are good for them again. Appointments are back on my schedule. A miracle happened for someone over the weekend. What I learned from this is that when I am truly caring for others with a desire and prayer to be what they need me to be, willing to give them what they are asking for, and more than happy to do what part God wants me to do…however small, I get more. Serve others and forget yourself. You will get what you want in the process without even focusing much on it. God already knows what that is. Most of the time I am getting exactly what I deserve. Positive thinking does work, but it is most effective when used for the benefit of someone else. Picturing good for someone else and seeing them get what they want, then doing something to help them have their greatest happiness will ultimately help you as well. I hope this helps.
Leslie,
I love this and appreciate it! I am going through the same things, too, right now. I suppose it is because there is a lesson and something bigger coming. I will always be grateful to you as a mentor, teacher, but especially a friend who I have learned so much from and know I can come to and “talk” these problems out. I hope that we can continue to “grow” together. It is much better having a good friend to go through it all with! ;o) Especially those who have high thought vibrations or at least understand them when we are at a low waiting for the upswing. Love and appreciate you!
Denise
Oh Leslie, you are my favorite red head, do you know that? 🙂 I have always felt a sweet connection with you even though you were “famous.” You are a beautiful mother, author, speaker, and friend. Thanks for your honesty! Knowing Garret on a more personal level, I know he would agree that he too has had plenty of struggles since you wrote Portal to Genius together. But to keep on trucking, that’s the secret I’ve learned and can tell you’re trying to do even amid trials. What a glorious challenge eh?
Since being inspired at your Genius Bootcamp in May to start my gratitude blog, dailysunshineforyou.blogspot.com, I have been thrilled to see up to 100 viewers per day. Wahoo! Even strangers are checking in and getting excited about the idea. It’s been fun, but there is definitely social pressure to post EVERY single day. I asked Wade if I should continue after the holidays. And he said very assuredly, “Cath, you HAVE to. People are drawn to you and the joy you share!” There you have it. Thanks boss. I sure love him. 🙂 So I keep posting and hoping to share my light even on days I’m grumpy because there’s always something to be grateful for, right? And I hope you keep writing to, Les, because I like you and your message (a lot), and I know I’m not alone.
Leave it but clarify the lessons you learned so others can benefit.
Loved your candor and it’s speaking to my soul right now with what I’m currently facing. It’s time for me to be silent & listen to God and then take the inspired action. I’m looking forward to the next post.
I would just say, welcome to my w0rld. Just because you have inspired so many doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it right every time – it just mean that you’re living the Law of Rhythm and the good is just around the corner.
Wow…..now thats refreshing. Thank you!
Keep! Thank you for your post! Usually I will have a couple weeks when I feel like I’m plugging along doing great with the principles, shifting my focus to only positive things and really cleaning up my vibration.. then I’ll just wake up tired of it all! It’s during those times when I feel like having a tantrum just like my little daughter! I am learning that when I have those times, the ONLY thing I need to do is get quiet, meditate, and get back in touch with Source Energy (God!). There is no outward action that will help when I am going through a low time, so I fly under the radar and nurture myself back into alignment. Sometimes I’ll quit whatever I’m doing, and just put in a funny video and laugh my way back into feeling better. I’m finally learning that there is nothing more important than feeling good! Because when I feel good, everything else is being taken care of by the Universe. I am so glad that you revealed your true feelings, because it helps us realize that we are all in this together! We are all learning, and it’s nice to see that we can all benefit from eachother! Keep us posted 🙂
Leslie I’m so glad that you shared this.
It’s hard to be perfect but by showing your failures you give others courage to keep going…I’m starting another book even though my success in selling my other books has been so limited. I’m not writing them to make money but to use my voice. The next book is entitled Discovering My Voice: Poetic Recollections.
KEEP IT!!!
Can I just say, “Amen!” to everyone else’s comments? Sharing your raw and real moments, whether brief or extensive, gives hope to others (namely me) who are not “shining example[s] of right thinking.”
Keep up the good work! Love ya!
I usually don’t make comments but I will this time. Dear Leslie, first I am terrible at typing but as you can see I still attempt to do it. I love the way you are so real. Forgive this way I am going to say it but you aren’t afraid to be naked, so open with your experiences. Your love for people wins over your need to fit itn, be accepted or appear something you are not. This is why soo many love and appreciate you. Give yourself some slack, ok? We all need time -outs. The Lord pulled away several times to sort things out and reboot. He was given so much more the tests and help from above. You are human and you are constantly striving to overcome and be the best you can be. Thank you for helping us along the way.