By Katie V
Have you encountered the universal Laws of Success (like the law of attraction) and started implementing them in your life? Are you super excited about the possibilities, but frustrated or sad about the negative thoughts of your significant other (I will just refer to them as spouses now)? This is VERY common and vital to overcome before you achieve your own successes.
Spouses almost always move at different speeds in all areas of life, but especially in changing. Most couples that I meet move at different paces as they work to change their thinking. Here are some important things to think about as you work with this valuable opportunity in your life (notice I said opportunity instead of challenge!).
1. “People don’t resist change, they resist being changed.” – Leslie Householder Family Time and Money Freedom Course. I’ve noticed that when I try to change my husband he digs his heels in like a stubborn mule. But if I refrain from saying that pushy or overbearing comment, and just relax and let him work his process, then it is usually very soon that he realizes what he needs to realize on his own. Sometimes in the same moment!
2. There is an important lesson for you here: work on you! Everything we have in our physical world is a direct result of the thoughts that are in our head, or the programming in our subconscious mind. Even things you really don’t like, or people that drive you crazy, are there because you brought them there by what is in your mind. If you want it to change you have to change your mind. YOU have to change your mind, not your spouse or your child or your boss or anyone else. I always thought that I was a positive person and had a lot of faith. I blamed most of our financial troubles on my husband and his inability to get a handle on his thoughts. As soon as I started working on my own goals and not worrying about my husband at all we made huge quantum leaps. Yes, WE made quantum leaps. He came along for the ride too.
3. Abundance is abundance and you can do it by yourself. The things that you want also want you and you don’t need to wait for someone else to change before they can happen. (If your goals have to do with having a certain kind of relationship with a certain person then you need to change your goals. They need to be about you – how you feel, what happens to you, what is in your life. If you are waiting for your spouse to become a certain person my advice is to commit to becoming that person first. As long as your goals don’t involve another person’s agency you can do anything!)
4. Personal responsibility – you are responsible for yourself. Do not be like the able bodied person who chooses welfare because they don’t “feel” like working. If you want to change something, then you need to do something about it. Even if you feel like you can’t because you need to take care of kids, or you have an unsupportive spouse or you have a disability etc. you need to realize you can. For every excuse that you have there is someone, somewhere in the world that has taken that challenge and succeeded marvelously in spite of it. You can too! There are many more ways to achieve financial abundance then just getting a 9-5 job. Be open to the possibilities. And be committed to being responsible for yourself.
5. Visualizing harmony, and allowing time for the change to happen. It is okay to visualize the feeling of being in harmony on financial matters and loving to talk to your spouse about it. The other night I was lying in bed next to my sweetheart. We were holding hands and talking a little before going to sleep. He was telling me about his dreams, and how close he felt to them and how he has realized that there truly is no room in his thoughts for negativity. He was so calm and content and connected to his dreams; something I just dreamed about a year and a half ago. I wanted to cry when I realized what a beautiful experience I was having. If I had known with a surety back then that we would be having this conversation now then I would not have ever exploded at my sweetheart when his thoughts weren’t perfect, or he was too negative etc. Those explosions came from a lack of faith that anything would ever change. Have faith in your spouse, and at the same time love them for exactly who they are right now. Everyone has their own process and there is nothing as special as feeling loved and supported as you work through your process.
6. Ask for forgiveness ahead of time. Realize that this is also a process for you. Usually this change doesn’t happen overnight for you either. So ask for forgiveness ahead of time for any explosions. Then be quick to say sorry and forgive yourself if they ever do happen. You are not perfect yet, that is a process too.
You and your spouse can have a beautiful relationship in all areas of life – including finances. It is amazing to be one in purpose and method as you work towards goals. Just remember that you cannot control someone else. Let them work through their process, everyone is in the process of becoming. Give your spouse time and space to change and watch them blossom. In the meantime work on you! You have the power to do miraculous things with no one else except God, so go and get it done!